I can only do what I can do

My desks at home and at work are piled high with work.  I have so much to do and my gout is flaring.  I keep trying to tell myself it’s okay for me to spend a day curled in a ball doing nothing more than listening to an audio book.  Unfortunately, I don’t believe me.

If I’m taking a day off – like I did yesterday, I want to accomplish a list of things whether it is crocheting or writing.  I want to see progress and feel good about it.  Yeah – I know.  Stress is bad for gout too.

I hate just being a vegetable because it hurts when I try to close my hands.  I hate it when I’m stuck home when I know people are relying on me to be at work, accomplishing all the things I need to accomplish.  If I’m going to spend a whole day at home alone, I want to have something to show for it, not just pain and frustration.

And then I take a deep breath and scold myself.  The frustration and stress I’m putting myself under are not helping so I have to have a more zen approach to life.  This is hard when I have a week filled with pain.  Yet I try to bring my mind back to the center.  I can only do what I can do.

Good news – I took the new drug tonight and don’t seem to have a reaction.  Next step – continue to take it and see if it helps to lower the uric acid levels and keep the flares from happening.  That is a long term – let’s wait and see thing.  I can only hope it does so I can lead a somewhat normal life (well as normal as I get anyways).

I sat tonight and cut out coupons.  I sat up to the table to do it because it’s easier that way.  My feet are swollen and sore.  I’ll take another dose of Tylenol (my candy apparently) and hope it will help.  Tomorrow I’ll work a longer day to make up some of the time I missed and get some of the work done I need to get done.

I have to balance that with how long it will take me to do bills when I come home.  I will have been sitting at my desk at work so I’ll have to make sure I can spend enough time paying bills once I get home.

I’ve already told Ken he will have to do the errands.  I’ll try to get a grocery / coupon list made up for him tomorrow night so he doesn’t have to do that part of it.  Saturday I want to try to get a book out if not do the prep for all three but I’m keeping that chant in my head.  I can only do what I can do.

On the plus side, I have had two more reviewers agree to read one of my books.  Ken took the books to the post office today.  I can only hope they will be so intrigued once they get them, they will read them right away and post the review.  Maybe if I’m lucky, they will come back and ask for more of my books to review.  I can only keep my fingers crossed.

This week I’m struggling with my mantra of I can only do what I can do.  I’m usually fairly zen about it but apparently my determination is outweighing my sense.  I’ll say it again and maybe I’ll actually believe it – I can only do what I can do… everything will get done eventually.

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