Last night I made a point of going to bed early (for me) because I have a cold and feel pretty lousy. I lay in bed trying to sleep. Words tumbled through my head with a repetitiveness that I knew would mean I would not get to sleep early. I lay there listening to my thoughts hoping that the words would leave and I could sleep.
You would think after all these years of writing I would know when to just give in and get up. The repetitiveness of them should have been a clue because I couldn’t stop repeating certain phrases. I know other writers tell me they keep a pad of paper by the bed but that doesn’t work for me. For one thing, it would disturb my husband if I were to sit up and turn on a light to write this down.
I tossed and turned for quite some time before I finally got out of bed annoyed with myself for not being able to turn my brain off. It is funny how I can lay in the dark with my eyes closed, trying to relax and empty my mind enough to sleep but I won’t sleep.
The interesting thing is I got up and wrote a long poem about a true moment and didn’t think it particularly good. I zipped it off to one of the people who reads for me, as she usually gives me objective feedback. So did I then go to bed? No, because for some odd reason the words excite me and rev me up. I have to go through my shut down routine all over again. This involves checking email and a whole odd nightly routine that I must do. By the time I was done, it was nearly 11:30. Not early anymore and I’m not getting extra rest like I need.
The good thing though, now the words were out and written. I fell into bed and almost immediately fell asleep. Somehow getting those words on paper allowed me to settle the chaos in my head enough so I could sleep.
This morning I get up to read an email from my friend. I am slightly concerned it will be a commentary on how completely awful my poem was. Yes even I have doubts about my work sometimes. There is an email and she loved it. It is a relief that the forceful words weren’t just a jumble of twaddle and make sense to someone other than my warped mind.