Grumpiness Abounds

It’s been a week.  The weather changed and my pain level is up.  I try to remember this most days but sort of lost it at work.  My student worker got to listen to me complain and curse.  I apologized it shouldn’t have happened.  I did close my door, call my sister and complain to her.  I got over it mostly but there are just things which annoy  me.  I had one of those days.

All around, rough week.  Pain at levels which are nearly unbearable.  I hear my inner voice saying things I don’t really feel or believe but when I’m weighed down with pain it takes me to places I don’t want to go.  This is not a plea for pity or sympathy – a statement.  My hope – if I talk about this which I hate doing – someone out there will know they aren’t alone and will know someone else understands.

Movement equals agony.  Breathing is work.  For me the worst part is I can’t crochet.  I am struggling to write when I’ve got stories pounding in my head.  The things which lift and change my mood – which is supposed to help – are too painful to do.

This is what chronic pain is.  This is what I deal with.  It makes it hard to be positive and upbeat and pleasant.  My job requires pleasant.

I get through.  I’m not giving in to this bullshit.  The pain will ease.  The pain will fade.  I’ll sleep.  I’ll work on a story until the pain has shifted.  I’ll do what I can to get through it.  It’s all I can do.

Part of me wants to rail on the medical community but really what’s the point.  I’m to a point where I accept they’re not going to help me.  All I can do is find ways to cope.

So on to normal – whatever that is.  It’s pay week.  I’ve paid bills.  Ken and Vicki will run errands tomorrow.  I’m hoping for a quiet weekend.  I’m hoping I can spend time writing and publishing things I have done.  I’ll have to see how the weekend goes.

It seems like we always have a lot going on every weekend.  I have a stack of crocheting on my couch I’d like to finish.  I have several projects I’d want to experiment with.  I just need to get my arms, back, and neck to stop hurting.

Tomorrow I can sleep later.  I’m hoping to sleep until I naturally wake up.  This helps with the pain but again, it’s a pay week so busy weekend.  I’ll see how things go.  Ken and Vicki like to grocery shop at like six in the morning.  I see no reason to acknowledge six am exists.  They’re happy morning people.  I’m going to post this blog and go write.  If the writing is going, I hope it will keep me busy for a few hours.

I’m working on an independent story.  If that peters out, I’ve got Wayfarer 17 and a few other options for working on writing.  I also have editing to do.  Always there seems to be editing to do.

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