It’s been a rough week. I’ve had higher pain levels and less motivation for a week. I’m still struggling with pain but I can’t let that stop me from moving forward with things that need to get done.
The good thing about a rough week – I listened to a number of audio books while I crocheted. It is about the only thing I can do that doesn’t hurt. I finished three gifts and two other small projects.
The purple shawl is supposed to have buttons on it but I want to have Vicki here so I can place the buttons in the right spots. This was a pattern I liked the looks of but had to rework it. The person who designed it gave only directions for a magic ring start and a non-chain double crochet. I’ve done them. I don’t like how they look. I rewrote the pattern and I think it turned out nicely. 
The blue scarf isn’t done yet though I’m close. It is baby yarn that will make a nice light weight scarf for spring / summer / fall. I still need to get some length on it but I’m pleased with how it is working up.
I finished my niece’s afghan, the throw for my student worker and a hood / wristers set for another student worker. I’m not posting pictures of them for obvious reasons but I do have to say I think the afghan turned out particularly nice.
I finalized the cover for Wayfarer Aegis and got preliminary covers for Wayfarer Trials and Murder Next Door. TJ Jahns did a wonderful drawing of what I needed for Murder Next Door.
I finished my preliminary edits on Wayfarer seven. This gives me four manuscripts to edit and I’m hoping to get them done soon. Wayfarer Aegis has the final paper edits done, I just need to get them on the computer and read them one more time before it hits production. I’ve posted a look at the cover and a description on my web site. http://eileentroemel.weebly.com/
Most of what I need to get done can be done on my netbook but production work – finishing edits on manuscripts and prep for publishing – has to be done on my computer in my office. When I’m in pain, this is difficult. Until the pain eases, I will work on whatever I can on my netbook. I certainly have a litany of tasks I can work on up until production becomes necessary.
This week I’ve struggled with attitude and self image. When all I can do is sit in the recliner and hope the pain will ease enough so I can think, it drags me down into a well of grumbliness. I hate not being able to get done the things I know need doing. I keep reminding myself it will pass, it will get better. All I can do is what I can do when the pain washes over me.
People genuinely care and are concerned about my welfare which is nice. It helps remind me to keep looking up. When they ask ‘are you feeling better’ I hate telling them no. It’s hard for people to understand that there are layers to the pain. There are the days where I start out feeling fine but go downhill. There are days I start out feeling awful but can force myself to get through the day. There are days when I can’t do anything more than sit in my chair and hope the pain goes away. The thing is…. the pain is always there, always tearing at my joints. I can’t remember the last time I went without pain. All I can do is manage and hope I can get through what needs to be done and not fall into that well of darkness where the pain wins.
Accomplishing things, like the crocheting or writing which take little movement, helps clear the grumbliness I feel. It helps me be able to say, at least I can do this. At least I can accomplish something for now. Even in my worst moments, I know it will get better and I’ll batter back the pain to a level I can tolerate so I can keep moving forward.
