Tag: abuse

Lucy Irving

by eileentroemel, posted in Author Interview

Lucy Irving and I met through a mutual friend. Her book in non-fiction and about abuse so please take care of yourself.

Tell us about yourself

I am Lucy and my entire life I’ve been a victim of abuse. Yet, I have always had a big personality and lots of strength. I am 38 yrs old and by the time I was 19 years old I had already had several cervical cancer cell procedures, abused child, a victim of domestic violence, and two of my three children that have passed away died. So by 19 I had endured more trauma than the average person. I lost myself more with the abuse from my husband because my first child passed away due to one of his attacks on me. The emotional pain was to much to handle and I fell into addiction and suffered an over dose on the anniversary of my second child’s first birthday/deathaversary. A near death experience gave me the strength to give my life back to God. Soon he answered my prayers and sent me an amazing husband after the last time my abusive husband almost killed me with a golf club. After four miscarriages and an extremely hard pregnancy I was blessed with an amazing miracle, a living son. Life was wonderful until I became pregnant with twins and miscarried one. Then one night I accidentally delivered my son alone in my bathroom and he was still-born. Because of the trauma I now live with ptsd, depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. It took me a long time but I finally decided that I have the strength to keep going, and that there is joy and happiness in life no matter how much trauma a person might have to live with. I’m beyond honest, blunt and determined. And I refuse to ever give up. I am blessed and honored to be able to help other’s through the pain that I have been forced to live with.

When did you know you wanted to be an author?

My entire life I have loved to express myself with words. But when I realized how much my story was actually helping other’s I realized that I NEEDED to write.

What genres do you like to read?  Are these the same genres you write in?

I love any non fiction book and movie and yes, this is what I write in.

Is your book for adults, young adults or children?

My book is for adults and young adults. I also reach out to other’s about teen dv.

What is your current release or project?

My current book “My Cry to God” was self published but recently picked up by a traditional publisher and re edited and re launched.

Tell us about your key characters.

Main character is myself re named.

Please share a blurb

My Cry to God is the story of Lucy Irving, a young Christian woman who struggles to overcome many great obstacles in her life as she searches to find herself through her faith. The events in this book are based on the real life experiences of the author.From a young age, she deals with mental abuse from her whole family and physical abuse from her siblings. In her teenage years she is diagnosed with a life threatening disease that causes her to reevaluate her view of the world and her perspective on life. As she grows older, she finds herself drawn to men who at first provide her with a sense of safety and security, but ultimately end up making her feel even more broken than she had before, but she desperately wants to find love. All the while she questions her faith as she learns one lesson after another about the world and her purpose in it. Lucy yearns to become a mother, but she endures a number of heartbreaking miscarriages, as well as multiple stillbirths. In addition to suffering damage to her cervix in her youth, she is the target of her husband’s violent outbursts, which harm more than just Lucy herself. Her troubles in carrying a child to term eventually cause her to spiral into substance abuse, which alienates her even further from her already estranged family.Lucy deals with many difficult challenges in her life, including cancer, mental health issues, substance abuse, spousal abuse, difficulty having children, and many other issues. Though Lucy does not always feel as though God is by her side, as many of her struggles in life lead her to question whether God loves everyone equally. She especially has a hard time believing that God cares about her to the extent that he cares about others in the world, as she deals with a great amount of pain and tragedy during her lifetime. After decades of soul-searching, she ultimately comes to a decision about the role God plays in her life and the path she wants to take.

Do you have a favorite scene?

My husband tells me “I’m not marrying you for a baby, i’m marrying you for you”

Many people tell me this is their favorite scene also.

What advice would you give a beginner?

My advice to beginners would be “always follow your heart and never give up on your dreams”

Amazon link: https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fdp%2F1733794697%2Fref%3Dcm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_oo22Db30W9H5D%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR38PbF4hs7ZkdKWERbSdD9iEAQv62v3cDojMXKc4cMTckC0OGIhkdH_OFo&h=AT1R6ti0iliw69C5DXN2o76kEwmeAoR6ID20ROhfGCKzV1v63UAHYKY6u1WMaUl-cSLJTpdQxPhE_8c1h8Tl6wbho0j0WwbL_6E7PnrvC0GVRy2s6LQifbVdLks9VbWLIuEMeaoGBdSaO3O-wRAslg

Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/authorlucyirving/

Instagram: lucyirvingauthor

Domestic Abuse is a Serious Crime

by eileentroemel, posted in Life

While driving home last night after a long day, I spoke with my middle daughter.  She told me about one of her co-workers.  This woman was abused by her boyfriend resulting in him being arrested and put in jail. 

She has left him, taking her three sons with her.  They went through a trial.  Even though the man has a long history of domestic abuse the only reason the judge put him in jail was because she wrote a letter.  She has a no-contact order. 

Now he is in jail.  However, she gets “love” notes from him.  The police aren’t taking them seriously.  She says this is how he used to talk to her when he beat her.  She wants the police to put a stop to it, you would think no contact means no freaking contact but apparently if you talk nice in your contact it is okay. 

I was irate, disappointed, and disgusted by the response.  Now I heard this third hand so I could be wrong but I want to call the police department in her town and say “What the F**K?” 

I talked about this in a private message to a friend on facebook – she said when her first husband beat her – back before women’s shelters and such – the police gave her a pamphlet on how to be a better wife. 

I think my head exploded.  Is it any wonder women wanting to get married is on the decline?  I know there are good men in the world.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have relationships with several of them from my father, husband, brothers-in-law and co-workers.  If I tell this story to them, they will be as appalled as I am. 

My question is – when does the rest of the world get it?  When do we stop blaming the victim?  When do we make it known that hitting someone else – loved one or not – is WRONG.  In the case of my daughter’s friend – her boyfriend has threatened to kill her and her three kids.  If the police do nothing to stop the “good” contact when there is a NO freaking contact order, what happens when he gets out of jail and can lay hands on her and her sons. 

It is time for women to say NO MORE.  No more rape, no more abuse, no more crap from anyone.  Stop worrying about being called a bitch and stand up for yourself and for other women.  We need to get tougher on crimes against women and stop with the attitude that boys will be boys.  Boys are supposed to grow up to be men and men – real men – don’t do this crap.

I don’t hate men.  I know there are going to be some out there who say – she’s a man hater.  I good man – like a good woman – is a gem.  I have one.  I know.  He’s never raised his hand to me.  He stands with me, supports me, and loves me.  He’s a real man and the best kind.  It’s time we taught our boys to be men – real men who respect and honor the women in their lives. 

Women’s Value

by eileentroemel, posted in Life

Vicki is a news junky.  Because she is a news junky I hear all sorts of stories that are good, bad, funny, and tragic.  The three articles I talk about in here have provoked me. 

India has had at least two severe gang rapes in the last month.  Both women were taken hostage on a bus.  The first woman it happened to was a month ago and she died from the damage they did.  She lost 90% of her intestines because one of her murders thought it was great fun to shove a pipe up into her and pull them out.  The second woman was held hostage by six men and returned to her home the next day. 

There are other stories like the 15 year old girl in Pakistan (I think) who was “married” to an older man (50s I think).  She ran away from her alleged husband and back to her family because he abused her. 

I’m sure if I were to look there would be more stories like this and not just in foreign countries.  Our global society has put women into a precarious situation.  We are supposed to be virginal unless we are married.  Then we are supposed to be a sex kitten.  We are supposed to be perfect housekeepers, mothers, and career oriented.  No matter how good we are though, society deems us second class citizens. 

I’m not male bashing here.  I love real men.  You know they guys who can clean up after their sick kids, love you when you look like shit, cry with you, laugh with you – real men.  Real men are as offended and outraged by these acts as women are. 

Somehow in our global society men (not all and certainly not the real ones I talk about above) have devalued women.  If a woman is raped – well it is her fault in some way – she had to be wearing something to provoke the attack or she was drunk or she just was.  In no other crime is the victim blamed for what happened. 

All of these excuses that are put out there by the uninformed people should offend men.  Essentially society is saying men can’t control themselves.  All it takes is the sight of a woman to provoke him into uncontrollable violence. 

In the case in India where the rape occurred a month ago, the men were complaining about the abuse they got from the police.  The reasonable person in me says two wrongs don’t make a right and their abuse of him doesn’t help the case go through the courts.  The outraged woman in me says Karma is a bitch. 

Somehow we have to put a stop to the devaluing of women.  I’ve asked before but write your representatives on the state and federal level.  Ask them how they are supporting women’s rights.  Stand up with other women to show we can be a united force and that we won’t accept this type of behavior from anyone.  Speak out against criticism of the way a woman is dressed, behaving, and so on.  Respect yourself and teach your children to respect people.  Our boys need to learn this just as much as our girls do. 

Violence

by eileentroemel, posted in Uncategorized
I’ve had a blessed life.  I was raised by two loving normal people.  I had siblings who were protective and loving for the most part.  While I grew up during tumultuous times, I don’t remember that tumult touching my life.  My world was peaceful, safe, and loving. 
This was a blessing but it also made me a very naïve and innocent pre-teen / teenager.  I was told by my parents I could do or be anything.  I felt invincible as I’m sure most teens do. 
An incident happened in my early teens that changed me and wiped away some of that innocence and naiveté.  One of my sisters married a man and they lived just down the road from us.  One day, this sister and I returned to their farm.  I can’t remember where we were but I remember what happened when we walked into the milk house.  The milk house is where the tank is kept to store the milk in after the cows are milked.  We walked in.  Her husband stormed in with murder on his face.  I was frightened by his look, stance, and actions.  Just before he put his hands on her, I remember my sister pointing to me.  He didn’t see me I don’t think.  He grabbed my sister by the throat. 
To my utter shame, I was so scared I fled the milk house.  I remember running out of their barn and all the way home.  I know that his brother called to me as he had just arrived at their farm.  I just kept going.  I didn’t tell anyone about it.  I just fled.  I’d never seen a man put his hands on a woman like that.  My parents’ interactions were all loving.  I can’t remember them even shouting at each other.
To this day I’m ashamed of my reaction.  If I could go back, I’d fly to her defense.  I’d try to get between her and him to stop the abuse and violence she suffered at his hands. 
She is a strong woman and left the man under her own terms.  It horrifies me that she suffered any of that.  I wonder if I’d had the courage to stay to help her if she would have left him sooner.  I wonder if I’d had the courage to tell someone what I’d seen if it would have changed anything.
I know that this incident taught me a number of lessons about standing up for people even when others don’t.  It taught me to be a proponent for women.  It helped define the type of behavior I allow in my relationships.  It helped me teach my kids to stand up for themselves.  I know that I never want to feel that helpless and frightened again.
My sister and I have never spoken of that day or the incident.  I hope she has forgiven me for not defending her.  I’ve also never spoken of this because I was so ashamed of my actions. 
It is my hope that sharing this incident will help other women.  It will help them free themselves from bad relationships and dangerous situations.  I experienced one incident of violence.  It changed me forever.  If your child or children are experiencing this type of violence in the home, they are changed forever. 
It doesn’t matter if it is emotional, physical, or verbal abuse.  If someone is hurting you, I urge you to severe the relationship and protect yourself before there are children involved.  We as a society need to tell abusers (regardless of gender) that it is wrong and they HAVE to stop.  Until we do that, the abuse will continue.  Lives will be lost.  Souls will be damaged, possibly irreparably.