Feminism for Men

I’ve noticed a theme since my last post.  I went to a talk at my job about feminism.  I had a troll on the internet try to tell me it was women’s fault they are where they are.  He was unpleasant.  I read several news articles which reaffirmed my beliefs.  It’s been a week or so of confirmation of the need for feminism.

I’ve been a fervent feminist most of my life.  I’ve even been accused of not liking men.  This isn’t true.  I have high expectations of men.  I think they should be strong enough to support their women.

Honestly, I’ve been very lucky in the men in my life.  My father was very progressive – especially for a man born in the 20s – and encouraged all of us to go out and do what we wanted to.  My husband is usually very sensitive to the issues of women.

Because I’ve had these amazing men in my life, they’ve set a high standard for my expectations of how men should be.  Now neither of them is perfect but they set the bar high for others.

It doesn’t make men less to support women, to be their cheerleader, to help them be the best they can be.  It does make them love and appreciate you more.  It does increase the amount of respect women have for men.

With three daughters, it was important to me they have a good example of how a man should treat a woman.  When I chose Ken, I made a great decision.  He’s been an excellent role model.

So I say to all the men – the mothers of boys – to the other 49% of our population.  It’s time for you to step up and be a man.  Be a real man who can cry when he’s sad, laugh when he’s happy, and treat his women as they deserve to be treated – with love and respect.

Here’s a secret for all the men – if you manage to do this, you will have a better and stronger relationship with your woman and partner.

Domestic Abuse is a Serious Crime

While driving home last night after a long day, I spoke with my middle daughter.  She told me about one of her co-workers.  This woman was abused by her boyfriend resulting in him being arrested and put in jail. 

She has left him, taking her three sons with her.  They went through a trial.  Even though the man has a long history of domestic abuse the only reason the judge put him in jail was because she wrote a letter.  She has a no-contact order. 

Now he is in jail.  However, she gets “love” notes from him.  The police aren’t taking them seriously.  She says this is how he used to talk to her when he beat her.  She wants the police to put a stop to it, you would think no contact means no freaking contact but apparently if you talk nice in your contact it is okay. 

I was irate, disappointed, and disgusted by the response.  Now I heard this third hand so I could be wrong but I want to call the police department in her town and say “What the F**K?” 

I talked about this in a private message to a friend on facebook – she said when her first husband beat her – back before women’s shelters and such – the police gave her a pamphlet on how to be a better wife. 

I think my head exploded.  Is it any wonder women wanting to get married is on the decline?  I know there are good men in the world.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have relationships with several of them from my father, husband, brothers-in-law and co-workers.  If I tell this story to them, they will be as appalled as I am. 

My question is – when does the rest of the world get it?  When do we stop blaming the victim?  When do we make it known that hitting someone else – loved one or not – is WRONG.  In the case of my daughter’s friend – her boyfriend has threatened to kill her and her three kids.  If the police do nothing to stop the “good” contact when there is a NO freaking contact order, what happens when he gets out of jail and can lay hands on her and her sons. 

It is time for women to say NO MORE.  No more rape, no more abuse, no more crap from anyone.  Stop worrying about being called a bitch and stand up for yourself and for other women.  We need to get tougher on crimes against women and stop with the attitude that boys will be boys.  Boys are supposed to grow up to be men and men – real men – don’t do this crap.

I don’t hate men.  I know there are going to be some out there who say – she’s a man hater.  I good man – like a good woman – is a gem.  I have one.  I know.  He’s never raised his hand to me.  He stands with me, supports me, and loves me.  He’s a real man and the best kind.  It’s time we taught our boys to be men – real men who respect and honor the women in their lives.