Violence is not the solution

When your daughter calls to say “I’m okay”, there is always a moment of oh shit, what happened.  My oldest daughter called me yesterday to give me a heads up her place of work was going to be in the news.  She was working and in the parking lot a lot of drama took place.  Apparently two people had a confrontation resulting in one of them shooting the other.

Apparently the two people were arguing over a parking spot.  My daughter said her car might be in some of the footage.  I’m glad it was her car and not her.  She lives in a large metropolitan area, crime is expected.

At work yesterday I got notified a robbery suspect was at large in the small town I work in.  This is not common.  Yes, there is crime but not generally armed robbery.  Are we safer in the small town?  I doubt it.  Shit happens when and where it happens.

Fortunately for my family, no one was involved any more than peripherally.  The robbery notice I got, I disregarded as I wasn’t near the location and doubted I’d see the suspect from my building.  My daughter’s incident took my breath away because there’s the instinct to protect.  However, after a bit of discussion and joking about letting people have whatever parking spot they want, it had little affect on me.  We were fortunate.

The “give me what I want no matter what” attitude is beyond my comprehension.  Perhaps because I grew up on a farm where we worked hard and appreciated the benefits we managed to eke out, I find this attitude a horrible symptom in our society.  I’m not going to say it’s a generation or a young person’s attitude.  I certainly know older people who have this attitude.  I find it shallow and counter productive to a healthy society.

To me, it doesn’t matter what your beliefs are or what you look like or your abilities.  What matters is are you a productive member of society?  Are you working to the best of your ability to take care of yourself?  If you are, we’re good do what you want with your life.  If you aren’t, get a clue.  You aren’t some anointed God or Goddess who has power and control over lesser beings.  There are no lesser beings.  We’re all interconnected and need to rely on each other to make it through.

Is a parking spot worth a man’s life?  If he dies, are you willing to live with the fact you took a life?  I’ve got a temper and I know it’s not easy but walk away.  Walk away, call the police, and don’t do something you can’t take back.


First let me say I’m a feminist.  This is going to be a feminist rant of sorts.  If you’ve read my stuff or you know me personally you know I’m not a big sports fan.  I think we treat our male sports figures as gods and let them get away with things they shouldn’t get away with.

My daughter was telling me about a young football player who was going to school on a scholarship.  He had a confrontation with a woman and hit her.  As a woman I find this horrible.  No one has the right to hit another person.  The school kicked him out and revoked his scholarship.  He was charged with a misdemeanor.

I think the school overreacted a bit if this was his first incident of domestic violence.  However, I can understand why they did it.

I’ve looked up the video – yes I actually looked up a sports thing.  I watched the video.  He bumped into her at a bar.  She turned to him with her fist raised.  He grabbed her arm to stop her from hitting him.  She then hit him with her other fist.  He slapped (I think) her.  Now he’s a guy and should know better than to hit a woman.  However, she wasn’t charged with anything.

Women are not above the law.  She assaulted  him.  He assaulted her and should be and has been punished.  As far as I’m aware, nothing happened to her.  If we as women want to be equal we have to know that our action have consequences.  So when we do something wrong, we should get punished for it.

He did something wrong.  His team, school, and the police took appropriate action and he’s dealing with the consequences of his actions.

She should have to deal with the consequences of her actions as well.  Why wasn’t she charged as well?  She should have been charged with a misdemeanor as well.

There were all sorts of wrong things done in this incident.  He was wrong to hit a woman – I can’t say that enough.  She was wrong to hit anyone.  He was punished appropriately.  She was not.  This is not equitable.  She should also have been charged and should be punished appropriately.

As women we cannot expect to get away with doing wrong simply because we are women.  Yes we need protection from the violence but if we commit violence, we need to pay the price.  Woman up!  Woman up and admit you did wrong and take your punishment.


It just gets better and better.  The Supreme Court is supposed to be our highest level of justice.  They are supposed to be blind to all but the legal issue at hand.  Now though our State Supreme Court is filled with immoral and unethical people.  It is shocking to me that such people could make the court.  After such a quick decision in the collective bargaining case, I have my doubts about the impartiality of the court.  Then I hear a rumor and read a news story. 

There is a news story that our newly elected (you know the guy who – in my opinion – stole the election) choked one of the other Supreme Court Justices (  This of course is just the news story and I’m sure it will denegrate into a he said she said situation and of course because women have so little value in our society people won’t believe her. 

Here’s the thing.  This man has admitted to calling the chief justice a bitch and threatening to destroy her.  Now this report comes out.  He says (from the article) that she attacked him and he was merely defending himself.  I don’t know about you but when someone attacks me I don’t put my hands around their neck to defend myself. 

This man needs to resign and apologize to the entire state of Wisconsin.  He does not represent what a good judge should be.  He does not appear to set aside politics and look at the legal issues.  He seems to be out of control and is turning violent.  This is not the type of person we need or want on the highest court in our state. 


I’ve had a blessed life.  I was raised by two loving normal people.  I had siblings who were protective and loving for the most part.  While I grew up during tumultuous times, I don’t remember that tumult touching my life.  My world was peaceful, safe, and loving. 
This was a blessing but it also made me a very naïve and innocent pre-teen / teenager.  I was told by my parents I could do or be anything.  I felt invincible as I’m sure most teens do. 
An incident happened in my early teens that changed me and wiped away some of that innocence and naiveté.  One of my sisters married a man and they lived just down the road from us.  One day, this sister and I returned to their farm.  I can’t remember where we were but I remember what happened when we walked into the milk house.  The milk house is where the tank is kept to store the milk in after the cows are milked.  We walked in.  Her husband stormed in with murder on his face.  I was frightened by his look, stance, and actions.  Just before he put his hands on her, I remember my sister pointing to me.  He didn’t see me I don’t think.  He grabbed my sister by the throat. 
To my utter shame, I was so scared I fled the milk house.  I remember running out of their barn and all the way home.  I know that his brother called to me as he had just arrived at their farm.  I just kept going.  I didn’t tell anyone about it.  I just fled.  I’d never seen a man put his hands on a woman like that.  My parents’ interactions were all loving.  I can’t remember them even shouting at each other.
To this day I’m ashamed of my reaction.  If I could go back, I’d fly to her defense.  I’d try to get between her and him to stop the abuse and violence she suffered at his hands. 
She is a strong woman and left the man under her own terms.  It horrifies me that she suffered any of that.  I wonder if I’d had the courage to stay to help her if she would have left him sooner.  I wonder if I’d had the courage to tell someone what I’d seen if it would have changed anything.
I know that this incident taught me a number of lessons about standing up for people even when others don’t.  It taught me to be a proponent for women.  It helped define the type of behavior I allow in my relationships.  It helped me teach my kids to stand up for themselves.  I know that I never want to feel that helpless and frightened again.
My sister and I have never spoken of that day or the incident.  I hope she has forgiven me for not defending her.  I’ve also never spoken of this because I was so ashamed of my actions. 
It is my hope that sharing this incident will help other women.  It will help them free themselves from bad relationships and dangerous situations.  I experienced one incident of violence.  It changed me forever.  If your child or children are experiencing this type of violence in the home, they are changed forever. 
It doesn’t matter if it is emotional, physical, or verbal abuse.  If someone is hurting you, I urge you to severe the relationship and protect yourself before there are children involved.  We as a society need to tell abusers (regardless of gender) that it is wrong and they HAVE to stop.  Until we do that, the abuse will continue.  Lives will be lost.  Souls will be damaged, possibly irreparably.