Sticks and Stones

There are certain words that men should never say.  I know that my friend Laura is rolling her eyes and thinking this is a male bashing moment for me but it isn’t.  I know that there are men – including my husband – who are outraged by what Rush Limbaugh had to say about a young woman who was trying to invoke her constitutional right of free speech. 
Sandra Fluke felt passionately that women should have birth control be freely accessible to all women because a friend suffered medical issues because she couldn’t afford to stay on her birth control. 
Rush Limbaugh took that genuine concern and valid medical reality and turned ugly.  He called Sandra Fluke a slut.  Not shocking in our society.  Any time a women gets out of line men turn to words like bitch (Newt Gingrich about Hilary Clinton – first lady at the time), slut, whore, and so on.  I’ve seen this happen on reality tv with boys calling their girlfriends these names.  I’ve seen it in business.  I’ve seen it in politics.
Here’s what I want to say – men use these words to make women feel powerless.  They throw them out there so that women have to defend their own honor instead of addressing the issues.  It is meant to hurt and distract from the actual issue. 
Limbaugh couldn’t refute her medical information so he vilely called her a slanderous name.  She now has to defend herself.  She should ignore him and keep pushing the issue at hand.  The discussion should be about birth control not about how contemptible and loathsome Limbaugh is for using slanderous words about this woman. 
Perhaps some smart lawyer would volunteer to assist Ms. Fluke in filing a defamation of character and slander suit against Limbaugh to stop such attacks in the future. 

My advice – for what it is worth – to Sandra Fluke.  Use the publicity of Limbaugh despicable comments to bring the focus back to the issue at hand – birth control being free for all women.  Use his words and extremism against him and keep the issue at the forefront of discussion.  Women for health reasons deserve to have free birth control regardless of the organization they work for or belong to.  An organizations beliefs should not come before the health and well being of an actual person.

Tired

Yesterday I visited with Laura.  It was a great time with us just talking and spending time together.  I really needed to unwind and have conversation.  Even when we don’t agree we do it in a good way.  She is mad at me because today the plan was for me to go see One for the Money – which I did.  Laura – take your honey and go see the movie.  It is worth the tickets price – captured all the good things in the book. 
Laura asked me a question yesterday that had been on my mind for a while.  She asked if I get tired of all the political stuff.  The answer is easy.  Absolutely.  Here are a few of the things I’m tired of. 
I’m tired of having to fight for rights that women should already have.  I’m tired of fighting for the people who have nothing but can’t be heard because they can’t pay for the $5000 a plate dinner.  I’m tired of having to read and research and analyze all sorts of information in order to see what mayhem the politicians are up to yet again.  I’m tired of feeling betrayed by my elected officials – like the governor, senators, representatives – almost all of them.  I’m tired of signing petitions to stop things that have no affect on my elected officials.  I’m damn tired of my elected officials not representing me or my beliefs but following their own agenda and pocketbook.
Yeah – I’m tired but what do I stop doing?  Who do I stop trying to stand up for?  Women?  Children?  The poor?  It would be nice if the politicians (doesn’t matter what party) would listen to me and all their other constituents. 
As a parent, I’ve always been told to pick my battles.  I guess I’m picking my battles now but to be honest there are so many right now that it is exhausting.  What the hell… I don’t need to sleep but women need birth control and the right to make decisions about their own bodies.  Children need education, protection from being forced to work, food, and so much more.  The poor need education and a helping hand.  Someone has to speak up for them and fight to protect them. 

If my voice can be heard through a phone message, email, letter, petition, or any other way, then I’ll take being tired.  Will you?

Politics…

There is so much going on in our political world right now.  Perhaps I should say there is so much going on in our political world that I am appalled and disappointed about. 
Women’s issues:  The Supreme Court which is supposed to be impartial and fair, just ruled that women were not allowed to have a class action suit against Walmart.  It is interesting to note that the three women on the court dissented (as well as one man) and those who agreed with the ruling were all men.  How is this judgment by our peers?  I think it shows that women still are considered second class citizens.  We still aren’t allowed to make as much as a man.  Women are still undervalued and demoralized.  We are still considered property essentially. 
All the nonsense about Planned Parenthood is another HUGE concern.  What will happen to the poor women who cannot afford health care?  If birth control becomes too expensive and cancer checks are out of reach for women (poor or not) then what will happen?  I’ll tell you what will happen.  Women will go back to having babies every year.  They will wear out their bodies to the point where they die.  Women who use birth control to regulate their cycle and help control heavy bleeding or sporadic periods will find themselves suffering every day. 
Conceal and Carry:  I’m all for the right to own guns.  Everyone touts that this is a right because of the 2nd amendment.  Well the 2nd amendment says:
Amendment 2 – Right to Bear Arms. Ratified 12/15/1791. Note
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
I’m not a constitution scholar but to me this says for the protection of and to keep a free state, regular citizens are allowed to have guns.  The historical background for this amendment is because when the British were governing us they took away the citizens guns.  This meant that in a hostile country with Native Americans and wild animals the settlers didn’t have a way to defend themselves or hunt for food.
I don’t know about you but I don’t think that any of us need a gun to hunt for food in our society today.  Having said that, I do believe we have the right to own guns.  I don’t believe that everyone should be walking around with a pistol strapped to their leg or in their purse. 
The guns of today are vastly different than the guns of the 18th century.  You weren’t going to hide a flintlock pistol easily or a rifle for that matter.  Now we have weapons that can shoot faster and further than ever before.  They are smaller and more accurate than ever.  We want to have a law that acknowledges the advancements of this field and also of our societal standing.
Yes our constitution says we have the right to bear guns but does that mean we should allow our citizenry to walk around with guns in their purses and on their bodies?  I don’t think so especially if the person is not trained or hasn’t gone through some sort of process to determine they aren’t completely nuts. 
Collective Bargaining:  I know that people are tired of hearing about this.  Hell, I am sick of the stress and difficulties we’ve had this year.  I want to preface this with a statement.  I’m a union member for five years.  I believe unions do good things in our society.  I also believe that unions have flaws. 
Pre-unions (yup more history lessons) owners of businesses could arbitrarily change any work condition or pay without repercussions.  Some unscrupulous bosses took advantage of the work force and created unhealthy, unsafe, and even deadly work environments.  The industrial revolution was great for the country – got our economy booming and put people to work.  However, it also introduced what most people would agree were horrible working conditions with people working in conditions unfit for anyone and pay was so bad that even the children in the family had to go to work in order to support the family.
Unions came in and said if we all band together than the bosses will have no choice but to come to the table and negotiate fairly with all of us.  This essentially made the work place a more level playing field. 
Here we are a hundred years later, we have safe working conditions (mostly), good wages and benefits, and a regulated work week.  The unions have been successful.  Does this mean they are done?  No because we don’t learn from our past.  The unions have to be able to bargain collectively about every aspect of work otherwise we will revert to the conditions of the past.
In fact, we are already doing that with Walker’s proposal to change child labor laws.  He wants to allow teenagers (16 & 17) to work as many hours as they want.  In a time when parents are unemployed by the millions and people are struggling to make ends meet, should we allow our children to work 40, 50, 60 hours a week in addition to going to school?  Something will give. I guarantee if it is a choice between food on the table for the family and school, school will go by the wayside so that families can eat.
Walker claims that taking away collective bargaining rights will make it easier to balance the budget and accommodate the cuts he proposes.  If he were to talk to the unions and ask for reasonable accommodations, the unions in all likelihood would give those accommodations.  I as a state worker, union member, and tax paper am just as concerned about balancing the budget.  I’ve taken furlough days to help with the budget issues.  Every payday money comes out of my check in order to assist with the balancing of the budget.  Thousands of union workers have made this concession. 
Collective bargaining isn’t just for union workers though.  It is for all workers.  It is the unions that improve working conditions.  Once a union has negotiated for better working conditions or pay then it becomes a standard practice.  This then ripples out to the non-union workers.  Take away collective bargaining and you take away all the protections that workers have – union or not.
Health care costs:  I’ve heard so many complaints about the health care system.  It is broken.  Insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, and for profit hospitals / doctor’s offices are running our system.  This is why the costs are through the roof.  When we look at profit rather than well-being of an individual we lose what the medical profession is supposed to be about.
We need to take a close look at this industry and figure out a way to regulate and change it so that the costs are not so high.  I don’t know the answers here but I do know that what we are doing isn’t working.  If we continue this way than we are going to end up with even more people who don’t go to the doctor when they should which in the long run ends up costing the system more.
Health is something that should not be dependent on financial status.  Health care should be available to all and at a cost that any can afford even if they only make minimum wage.
There are more issues like the environment, wars, medicare/Medicaid, social security, education but anymore and my head is going to explode… 

Teen Pregnancy

As I’ve said in the past, I watch Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant.  For some reason these shows fascinate me.  I watch as these girls take on the tough role of parenting.  I was 17 when I got pregnant.  I was very lucky in that I had a loving family who were strong enough to make me stand on my own and a man in my life who stuck with me.

I watch these girls and I think – toughen the F&*! up.  Okay I know that they are in a difficult situation.  It is hard to be a parent.  It is hard to be in charge of someone else when you haven’t been in charge of yourself really. 

I watch as these girls put up with behavior from boys which is unacceptable at any time but is even more unacceptable when they are soon to be fathers. 

When did we stop giving our kids responsibility?  When did we move from work to get what you want to gimme gimme gimme because I’m entitled? 

Some of the girls are really stepping up.  They appear to be amazing moms.  They seem to be getting their lives together, going to school, getting a job and being stressed out just like the rest of the working parents in the world.  I applaud those girls.  They grew up and faced their responsibilities. 

Other girls – I just wonder where their brains are?  One girl on Teen Mom 2 informed her ex boyfriend (who she is living in his parents house with him but in a separate bedroom) that she was seeing someone by posting it on Facebook.  Come on – really?  Are you that stupid?  The adult thing would have been to go to the parents who have treated her like a daughter and said.  Listen – your son broke up with me and I’m starting to date.  I am interested in someone else because I’m trying to move forward.  I won’t bring him around the house but I would like to date him without being dishonest.  That would have been the adult thing to do… not post the damn thing on Facebook. 

Another girl has taken back a boy who was exceedingly disrespectful to her and their daughter in a text (called his kid a mistake and worse).  Yet she lets him not only back into her life but back into her heart.  Really?  Where is your self-respect?  Earn it buddy – you want to be a dad now then PROVE you are worthy of being a dad.

Teen pregnancy is a huge issue and one our society tries to brush aside.  If we really don’t want to have these teenagers pregnant then we need to get our heads out of our asses and accept that teenagers have sex.  Most of them have sex early – 14, 15 or so… Instead of saying be good and don’t do this, we should be saying – we know you are thinking about it and it is a natural part of growing up but here are things you need to be aware of – then talk to them openly about sex, disease, pregnancy, and contraceptives. 

We expect these kids to grow up and be parents – well then we have to give them the tools to do that  or better yet let’s give them the tools so they don’t have to be in the first place… an ounce of prevention… etc

My Body My Choice

Dr Phil discussed teen pregnancy on his show.  No I want to rephrase that.  He said he was going to discuss teen pregnancy on his show.  Instead he badgered a 16 year old girl who was pregnant.  He told her she was a failure.  Now he didn’t use those words but that is essentially what he said. 

I’ve heard all the statistics about teen pregnancies.  I’ve heard all the boo hooing about how these girls are ruining their lives.  (Beware a rant coming… )  Here is the thing.  I got pregnant at 17.  I got married, had three daughters all before I was 23.  I finished high school, got a degree from a tech school and even went on to college.  Yes we lived in poverty.  Yes we made mistakes.  My daughters are now 29, 26 (almost) and 24.  They are amazing adults who are well rounded and incredible.  The statistics they spout are true I’m sure but here are a few facts that need to be faced.

We teach abstinence.  This does not work.  It hasn’t worked since the beginning of time.  We don’t educate our sons and daughters about how to have safe sex.  We tell them – no don’t do it.  Well I’m sorry but you get some guy you think you love touching you and hugging you and rational thoughts disappear – at any age.  So we need to arm our children better with information. 

The step-father on this show objected to this 16 year old being put on birth control pills.  He told the mother that she might as well rent the girl a hotel room.  Well okay – rent her the damn hotel room but make sure when she goes to that hotel room she has birth control and condoms.  Because then she won’t get pregnant.

Also if this young woman is making adult decisions to have sex – and that is an adult decision – then she needs to be held accountable for the consequences of those decisions.  So does the father.  First we pamper our children.  At 16 they know what is right and wrong and if they don’t you have failed as a parent.  They should be buying their own clothes, working, and making their own decisions.  Parents should be offering advice and assistance but not making choices for them.  We need to stop coddling these kids.  You tell your kid “You got pregnant okay here is what I’m willing to do” and outline it for them.  Then tell them “you have to do the rest.  YOU are a parent now and responsible for the sole care of the child.  Therefore you better step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.  This means no partying, going without the things you want because your baby needs diapers, clothes, food etc.”  If your kid is 16 and has a baby don’t baby sit unless they are in school or at work.  If they want to go out, they can take that baby with.  If it isn’t an appropriate place for the baby then they don’t go. 

Second (and here is another rant) Where are the fathers?  Why are we holding the young women to one standard and the young men to another?  Were they not irresponsible and put their dick in someone unsheathed?  If they did or it broke or birth control failed.  Guess what.  They don’t get to party either.  They have a child to support.  Get a job.  Go to school and get a job.  You have diapers to buy and baby food… and when they outgrow the diapers there are a thousand other things to buy.  This doesn’t even cover being there for the child.  Every child needs and deserves the love of BOTH parents.  You wanted to play like men play so now live up to the consequences and be a MAN… (hate that phrase except in this case).  You wanted to play and obviously did.  So now you pay.  Step up to the plate and be a dad.  Not just a father – anyone can donate sperm.  It takes a strong and powerful man (not physically) to set aside his own needs and desires to do what is right for his child.

Dr Phil was all about how this girl should give her baby up for adoption.  She was not equipped to be a parent.  Well no shit.  But it is our job as the adults involved to get her the tools she needs to be equipped.  It is her body and it is her child.  Some old white guy (yup that means you too Dr Phil) doesn’t get to say what happens to her body or her child.  Stop badgering and shaming the girl and offer her tools to help her be the best parent possible.