Entitled? Really?

I’ve encountered a couple of people recently who seem to think they are entitled to certain things in life.  I know these people.  They weren’t raised to think this way – they were raised with the idea that you worked hard to get what you wanted in life.  Their attitude and their arrogance surprise me because I thought better of them.

Now before people jump in to say – oh the millenials – nope not that age group – older than me.  So definitely baby boomers.

What I want to know is how do you go from a life of – work hard to achieve to gimme.  I mean I know when I took my kids to the store and they started the gimme crap, I’d tell them anyone who did that didn’t get what they wanted.  These people were raised with the same common sense.

What changed them to move from having common sense to being completely clueless?  I don’t know but it is hard to have compassion for someone who has the attitude that life owes them everything.

Ironically, both people are not in good places in their lives.  Yes, they’ve worked hard.  I can’t judge their choices but one opted out of working for a number of years and can’t understand why she has so little of what she wants.  The other has pushed away everyone in their lives but now when they need help, they expect that helping hand to be right there.

I hate cliches but you reap what you sow comes to mind.  If you put nothing into something, you obviously will get nothing back.  If you work hard and put effort into things, you’ll hopefully get something back.  It’s still not guaranteed.

To the people who feel like they’re entitled to … well you fill in the blank, I say, GROW UP.  I feel like some tough love and a reality check are in need.  

Feeling My Age

More often than not, I love the age I am.  I’m not one of those people who gets freaked out because I’m turning whatever age.  I’ve earned my age.  I enjoy who I am now. 

However, Friday night I spent the night doing nine tarot readings and with a lovely group of women.  We read tarot, talked, ate and in general had a good time.  At the same time, I didn’t get home until 6:30 in the morning.  I felt every day of my age on Saturday. 

Exhaustion doesn’t describe how I felt after spending 24 hours awake.  Rarely do I lay down and fall instantly asleep but I did on Saturday.  I had plans for the day but they went out the door because I spent the morning sleeping. 

It seems like it was a weekend for lack of sleep and the week has started out this way as well.  It doesn’t help that last week I had to walk down a flight of stairs so every time I went to sleep, I’d wake up with pain in my legs. 

I’m feeling a bit sleep deprived.  This means I’m less productive.  Last night I wanted to continue editing Wayfarer Resolve or work on the crochet project I need to get in the mail.  I couldn’t do either.  My brain said enough.  Instead I spent the evening messaging with a couple of writer friends until I crashed and slept. 

I’m starting to feel less sleep deprived so hopefully tonight I can be more productive.  I need to get the pattern done and in the mail so that will be my focus.  After that I’m back to Wayfarer Resolve.  This novel is being grumbly and difficult.  I’ll keep working on it and hope I can get it out this month (not holding my breath). 

Between paying bills for us and my mom, running errands, and doing work in our house, my time for writing / publishing has dwindled.  I’m going to carve out time because I’m feeling very grumpy about the lack of time I have.  This is more of the balancing out of all aspects of my life. 

A Mystery

Yesterday I kept thinking, I just have to get through the rest of the week then it’s a long weekend to rest and recuperate.  I kept telling myself, I’m halfway through the week.  And then I would remember it was only Tuesday. 

I feel like the week is dragging on and we are taking forever to get through.  Between being sick and having a hard time breathing if I’m not sitting perfectly upright and the pain this adds to my legs, I’m ready to say I don’t need to breath. 

The only thing going well is my writing!  I got up to 33K in one manuscript.  I wrote several scenes last night.  When I decided I was going to quit, I wrote up the scenes I see as coming next.  Now these may or may not happen but I have an outline for the latter half of my book. 

Last night after work, I picked up Ken and we went to the grocery store.  I had a specific type of meal I wanted so I asked Vicki to cook it for me.  It was exactly what I wanted  – she is amazing.  As I’m pulling out of the driving from getting Ken, he asked me if I knew anything about the plant.  I said, no, what plant.  Apparently someone left us a plant by our front door on Sunday. 

Now I go in and out of the garage and Ken’s truck is usually blocking my view (or it’s morning and I’m lucky to have my eyes open).  I had no idea about a plant.  It appears to be a lovely large tomato plant.  At least according to Ken, I wouldn’t have a clue.

There was no note or anything on it.  We think maybe one of our neighbors left it but we aren’t sure. 

If you’re the person who left it, thank you.  It was very kind of you and thoroughly unexpected.  Ken will plant it this weekend. 

A Calm Weekend – Hopefully

Stephanie came home on Thursday.  Ken, Stephanie and I went to Paint Nite and had a good time.  It was a long day for all of us but particularly Ken.  Stephanie spent the morning with Ken while I worked.  They came to pick me up and we all went to lunch with Beth.  She and I went to Joann’s and did a bit of shopping.
She went to visit friends in Ripon.  Which left Ken and I to our own devices.  We caught up on tv shows and I worked on prepping a bunch of fleece I’d bought.  I have about half of them prepped now.  Last night I started a throw for my oldest daughter which I hope to finish today.  I have a blanket for Stephanie which I want to finish before she goes back to Georgia.

It’s the first week of registration where I work.  This means I’ve been working longer hours and my legs are swollen and sore.  I’ll be spending most of today in the recliner and crocheting.  I’m hoping to get a number of projects done.  Work has been incredibly busy and a bit too stressful so this weekend is about being mellow.

With the terror attacks in Paris, I’m hoping Stephanie has no problems flying back on Monday.  Like most of the world, these baffle me.  If you don’t want to be alive and feel the need to take your own life, do it but don’t hurt or kill others.  It doesn’t make sense but then again, I’m not a disenfranchised person involved with a terrorist group.

Since my gout is flaring again, I’m going to spend my weekend being as quiet and calm as possible.  I’m going to enjoy my daughter being home and spending time with her as much as possible.  This means I’m doing things I like to do and trying to shut out the chaos of the world and the frantic pace of my job.

I can only hope some semblance of sanity returns to the world.  My job will be crazy for another couple of weeks before it calms down a bit.  While it is so stressful, I’ll be crocheting and relaxing as much as possible.

Back at Work

I didn’t dread coming back to work.  For the most part, I enjoy my job.  Yesterday was WORK though.  I had a ton of emails and it seemed like the ones interspersed with the junk mail I got took a lot of time to work through and address.  I eventually got caught up but still a tiring day.

When I left work I was still in a fairly good mood but by the time I was driving my energy had fallen away.  By the time I got home, I was wiped out.  Sitting at my desk all day, my pain level was up.

I am back at work.  It means I’m back to picking and choosing what gets done in the evening.  I’ve been watching Midsomer Murders (no that isn’t misspelled).  Tonight I’m going to attempt to crochet while I watch.  My arm was bugging me again.  I worked on a scarf for my daughter out of the Paton Metallic yarn.  This yarn is very slippery so the tension when you crochet has to be fairly taut, I think this is what causes my arm to hurt when I use this yarn.  I have a small project I want to finish with this yarn and then it is going to be put away.

This week I’m going to settle back into routine and work.  My sleep has been sporadic at best so I’m taking some down time.  However, this weekend I’m hoping to publish several short stories and update two of my novels.  Once these writing tasks are done, I’ll be looking at the third Defenders novel again.  I’ve been reading what I have and hope to start writing on it again next week.  I may have to give up and decide it will be a four books but I am still hopeful I can finish it in three.

Wayfarer 10 is starting to nudge at me.  At the same time Wayfarer 8 is in need of editing.  All of these tasks mean I’ll be busy for a while on writing.  At some point, I need to work on crocheting.  The next big project is the skirt for my friend.  I’m going to pull it out and redo the waistband.  I have two separate ideas and I have to see what my friend would prefer.

After the skirt, I have an afghan for my niece, which she just told me the pattern she likes so I’m going to make it my next project.  Plus I have all my holiday gifts to get started.  It’s already July.  I better get busy.

Rhythm of Life

It occurs to me that I listen to a lot of classical music.  I’ve been teased about it.  In my office, I work with students who are probably thirty years younger than me.  I always tell them they are welcome to put on music they like (within reason for appropriateness for a work setting). 

Almost all of my student workers have told me they like classical music.  This always surprises me that they are interested in this type of music.  I don’t know why, my daughters also like classical music though I don’t believe they listen to it often. 

The rhythm of my days is working for nine hours, listening to all the things I have to at work from faculty requests to students who need assistance to student workers who need help as they learn new tasks.  My day is spent giving to all of these groups and more.  I enjoy my job but at the end of the day, I’m happy to have a change in rhythm.

I go home, talk to my husband, spend an hour or so with him before he goes to bed.  This is a different rhythm.  It is a slower pace, a quieter pace where we focus on each other. 

Then I get my time.  It doesn’t matter if I’m writing or crocheting or what.  This time has a pace all of its own.  The last few nights have all been about listening to an audio book and crocheting.  It is easy, peaceful, rejuvenating.  The flow of my day feeds into the change of pace and change of activity. 

There are smatterings of other things.  I could spend an hour or more talking on the phone with my girls or a friend or some family member.  I could spend the night sitting in the dark thinking (yeah I know this sounds odd but it works for me).  I could spend the night writing battles or love scenes.  All of these have a different rhythm but mostly it is the rhythm that helps me wind down and relax. 

When I listen to classical music, I find it fits in with my mood the best.  It becomes a harmony to the melody of whatever I’m doing.  What I’m doing changes but the basic rhythm is there underneath all the craziness of my life.

Two Down

Last night I finished another graduation gift.  This came as a surprise to me because I was very tired since I’d spent the previous night reading a book until 1:40 in the morning.  I thought I’d go to sleep early and accomplish little but no. I was able to crochet the last seven items (three groups) of things. 
Today I’m off work and my plan was to be up early – that didn’t happen – and to work on Moon Affirmations.  I’m mid-production on this meditation book.  I’ve got a lot to do just to get it out there in one media.  I’m home alone with my music playing so I hope the quiet time will allow me good production time.
Whenever I work on the computer, I have this whole routine where I have to settle in.  I check my email, play the Hoyle games I love, and wander around to a few sites I almost always check.  After this routine, I’ll work on the production.  I have pictures to place.  I started this process but I discovered for Smashwords I have the wrong size document and I don’t think I’m working with the images correctly.  I have to figure out the best way to work through each one.  I may just take one and figure out the best way and then outline the steps. 
Pictures and photos are not my strong suit.  I’m good with words and formatting but adding in these other elements is not something I’m great at.  Part of the reason for this is because I’ve not done a lot of it.  It is time for me to learn I guess. 
Once Ken gets home, I’ll set aside book production and work on the last graduation gift.  I’m hoping to finish it off this weekend.  Ken plans to gather wood this weekend I think (depending on weather).  If he is out of the house tomorrow then I’ll most likely work on book production again. 
Those are my goals for the weekend at least – book production and graduation and baby gifts.  Making progress on all of those will mean I’ve had a good weekend.  Oh and I suppose I should probably try to get a bit more sleep than I have the last couple of days too.  Most nights I manage on six hours of sleep but the last few it has been much less than that.   
Secret Past is available here:
Barnes and Nobles:

End of Vacation and Return to Work

While I’ve been off, I worked on cleaning my office and crocheting.  I have a box of stuff ready to ship to the girls in Georgia, a small pile for a friend, and a scarf to go to Vicki.  Here are some of the pictures from these projects:


My office is a multi-layered job.  I’ve taken the piles of paperwork on my desk and sorted them into piles of organized paperwork on the card table.  Next is to work within each of those piles to get them into organized chaos instead of just chaos. 
During my time off, I have enjoyed quiet and calm days with little to stress me.  I think my toughest decision has been what to watch while I crochet.  I’m now working on season two of Charmed.  Today I will work on a few writing tasks and crocheting. 
A wonderfully talented and generous friend has taken pictures for me to use for my cover of my romance novel.  I’m going to have a difficult time choosing just one from the group of pictures she sent me.  Somehow with just a brief description she has managed to capture what I wanted in several photos.  I’ll have to figure out which ones to try and which one to finally use. 
After I’ve made up a few samples to ponder over, I will probably go back to crocheting and watching tv.  It is cold – only about 8 degrees with wind chill taking it down to about -5 outside.  I’m not likely to go out if I can avoid it today.  Tomorrow I will deal with what I have to.
Next on my list for crocheting is starting the kitchen sets for those who have asked for them.  I have a list (of course) and the colors for the first person.  I will use this to determine how much I need to buy of the other colors. 
Tomorrow I return to work.  I am sure once I’m there I’ll get easily back into the groove but right now it feels very foreign.  I think that is because I was so worn out at the end of the semester from school and work.  However, I will only be dealing with work when I go back so that means less stress.  I won’t be rushing off to class and then trying to get back into work mode in between classes.  I will go to work and focus on work.  When I come home I can focus on my writing or crocheting or nothing at all if that is what I choose to do. 
I know some of you who know me well are laughing at the idea that I will do nothing but I took a whole day where I did nothing.  I played on the computer and was completely unproductive.  It happens – just not very often.  

Slipping Away…

This summer is slipping away.  I mean to write here and tell all that is going on and then I look and time has passed. 
Work move is done – mostly.  They are still doing finishing touches but all of the offices are moved.  Most of the faculty are set up.  They still have to set up the mail boxes and paint the hall before they can hang all the bulletin boards.  For the most part though, the frustration and craziness of the move is done. 
Now it is time to settle into the new office and get used to the changes (though minor) that have happened in my office.  There are a few more organizational things in the office and there are definitely different office numbers to remember but overall I think we are in good shape.
Writing has been sporadic at the best.  I have gone through several steps for creating a clean file to e-publish.  I still have three or four more steps to go through.  I also need to buy some ISBNs.  At $125 each or 10 for $250, this is a big purchase for me.  Now if I had $1000 they would be a dollar each but that isn’t going to happen plus I don’t think I need that many. 
It is a business expense but at the same time it is an expense.  I know – it is an investment in my writing.  I should just do it.  I’ll have to see how the budget goes this next month. My hope is to have the files prepped and ready so that when I do finally purchase my own ISBNs I’ll be able to publish and start making money.  Then of course I have to deal with the marketing plan. 
This weekend I’m hoping to get my office cleaned and maybe even submit some writing to different publications.  I’m not making great progress on that yet today – still sitting in my jammies and writing… and waiting on a call to see if there is power in the office. 
I am alone in the house and it is wonderful to have the music I want on (perhaps a bit loud) and doing mostly what I want.  It is just nice to be ALONE.  I’ve missed the quiet that comes with hearing my own thoughts. 

Well no more stalling – time for a shower and cleaning the office.

Swamped and a Tad Bit Overwhelmed

Today I am going to work early so I can accomplish a couple of tasks early before others come in.  We – the department I work in – are moving so there are a lot of details to deal with.  Registration starts today so not only do I have to register for classes today but I have to juggle all the questions and issues that will arise with registration.  Scheduling for Spring 14 starts today and we have several classes that have to get into high demand rooms, which is why I’m going in early.

In addition to these tasks, I have homework to read / review in order to gain a better understanding of one section and lab I did really poorly on.  I have a book to finish reading for tomorrow as well as comments for a debate in class we are allegedly having. 

When I get to work early, I plan to leave my door closed until I have the scheduling done.  I’ll have it unlocked but closed in the hopes no one sees I’m in so I can focus on the task at hand.  After the schedule is entered – at least the first swipe at it – I’ll register for classes and tackle my emails. 

People ask me all the time how I manage to do all that I do – I schedule it.  I woke up this morning with my alarm and started with I need to shower, dress, and then… it is just what I do in an effort to prepare myself for what needs to happen and hopefully not forget anything.  If I outline what needs to get done then it stays in my head and I try to work on those things.  Now to be honest there are a number of times that I don’t accomplish what is in my head because other things come up but I do the best I can to be organized and get things done. 

I have confidence that I will accomplish what I need to – both with work, school work, and home stuff.  It may not all happen today but it will happen – even if I have to put in extra time here and there.