Financial Fidelity

On the Talk yesterday, they were discussing financial fidelity.  This means that you are open and honest with your partner about your spending, savings, finances.  You don’t hide purchases.  Leah Remini stated that the men in their lives make them lie by being critical of their purchases. 
No one makes us lie.  We lie because we don’t want to deal with the fallout from our actions.  If you are going to lie about what you are purchasing, what else will you lie about? 
Here’s the thing in my mind, if the hubby doesn’t like that you are buying too many of something then look at your purchases.  Are you?  Have you got excess that you don’t need?  Was the latest purchase an impulse?  If you do then maybe it is time to modify your actions. 
On the other hand, if it is just him saying don’t spend money, it needs to become a discussion about why he thinks he gets to say what you can and cannot do for small purchases.
Ken and I have always made a point of buying large things together.  Neither of us spends large sums of money without the other being aware of it.  The small purchases aren’t as important.  Yes Ken will grumble a bit about the number of books I have but he knows better than too much.  We both work.  We both bring in the money.  You know what though; if only one of us worked it wouldn’t matter.  It has always been OUR money.  We are a partnership and as such our money goes to pay the family bills and meet the family needs.
Your partner is the one closest to you and if you can’t be honest and straight forward with him, then you need to reassess your partnership.  Also this behavior begs the question – again – if she truly feels this way, why is she not taking personal responsibility for her own actions?  If you are spending money on shoes or books or whatever, and your husband objects then you need to own it.  Yes I went shopping and yes I bought more shoes.  I like them and I’m planning to continue.  He will either deal with it or the two of you will have an issue.  But face the fact that your actions may be causing that issue.

Right and Wrong

I watch the View and the Talk.  Often I fast forward through the parts I am not interested in.  This last week both shows covered the topic of fidelity.  They talked about the movie The Dilemma which has a man trying to decide whether to tell his best friend that he’d seen his wife cheating.  There was quite the discussion on both shows about it.  Several of the hosts said no they wouldn’t tell. 

First why would you lie?  If you saw the spouse of a friend with someone else then why would you lie and cover it up.  Obviously if they are having lunch or walking with someone other than their spouse you aren’t going to run and tell tales.  However you can ask questions.  Saying to your friend – oh I just saw your spouse / mate (whatever) at lunch.  They were with someone I didn’t recognize etc.  You  might hear that oh that is a college friend or whatever. 

Obviously if you see the significant other locked in an intimate embrace that is completely different.  One would hope if they are cheating they would be discreet about it but who knows maybe that is part of the thrill. 

I have no problem with people having multiple partners so long as everyone is on the same page.  If you have promised to be faithful – you be faithful.  You give your word that you are going to be monogamous then you be monogamous.  If you want to play the field then you tell all of your partners that you are playing the field.

The next question that came up was would you cover for a girlfriend who was cheating.  Some of the hosts said no and some said yes.  To all my girlfriends – if you know me you know the answer to this.  As much as I love my friends the answer for me is hell no.  If you are in a committed relationship and you are stepping out you are WRONG.  Tell your partner that you want to play the field and be honest with him before you start doing that.  Don’t expect me to lie for you when you are in the wrong.  I’ll tell you to your face you are wrong. 

This may be a moral dilemma for some but for me it seems pretty straight forward.