It’s the Little Things

Friday I asked my husband to help me with a couple of things this weekend.  He never said yes or no, because that’s how he is.  Saturday while I was chatting with my daughter and my sister, plans were made for me to go to craft shopping with my sister and mother.  It gave me two hours to get the prep done on the next set of projects I’m working on and get lunch.

Ken went in the craft room and started putting the suitcases away.  He didn’t come back out, I thought he was waiting for me while I was on the phone with our middle daughter.  I told her I had to go but she wanted to keep talking so I went in the craft room while on the phone with her.  Ken was sitting in one of the chairs in there waiting on me.  He had put away all the bins which had been out for the suitcases.  He had brought in the bins which I’d gotten from a friend.  He’d put all the books which had been on the table on the shelves for me to go through and he’d put the bags of left over projects in one place under the table.  My habit is to gather a few projects and work on them in the living room and the left overs – extra skeins or balls of yarn go in a bag.  When I’m done, I’ll take the bag back and put them away.  I’ve been so busy with making, I’ve not been putting them away.

On the table he had all the items I needed.  He spent a good half hour with me picking yarn, getting the projects organized, and carrying them all out to the living room for me.

Later in the day, he put my favorite lounge around the house jammies in the bathroom for me.  It was thoughtful and sweet.

Now today he did the grocery shopping.  When I came out to do the Ibotta and Checkout 51 stuff, he helped me get it organized.  While he was shopping he found a breakfast thing for me to try rather than going out every morning.

He’s been on the ball with all these little things.  He’s not so great at the big gestures but on a daily basis he does a lot of little things which make my life easier and better.  He’s thoughtful and sweet.  Now don’t get me wrong, there’s no one else who can annoy, frustrate and tick me off faster than my husband.  However, it’s all the small things he does which have kept us married for more than 35 years.

It’s the little things – if I’m going to be philosophical – that keep us going together.  It’s the holding hands, the help on the projects, and other little things which keep us appreciating and loving each other.


Thirty two years ago today I was a young and naive seventeen year old preparing for a journey I really had no clue what it would be like.  Unlike most girls, I didn’t dream of a certain wedding or even getting married.  Then Ken came into my life. 

Our first year of marriage was difficult as we both had to grow up, learn to be partners and parents, and cope with the pressures put on young married couples.  It was a rough year but we survived.  We lost my grandmother and other loved ones.  We worked through unemployment, money issues, and almost all issues that couples handle throughout their marriage. 

The myth for marriage is that your wedding will be a perfect day that is the beginning of a perfect life together.  That is bullshit.  It is the beginning – but it isn’t a magic ring that once you put the wedding ring on your finger life becomes perfect.  It is that you have chosen a partner to walk through this imperfect life.  With all of life’s good and bad times, this is the person you are choosing to trust with your most intimate secrets, your heart, and your true self. 

As is normal, the person you are closest to is the person who can be the best for you and the worst.  I know I drive Ken nuts with my foibles just as some of his drive me nuts.  There are few that can make me angrier or happier than him.  I’m sure if you asked he would say the same. 

Marriage is a joining of lives.  Ken and I joined our lives on this day 32 years ago.  It has been a journey of discovery both self and as a couple.  We have learned to be parents, adults, children, and every other aspect of partners along this journey.  For this journey, I can think of no one else I would have wanted to spend this time with.  Ken is my husband, my love, and my soulmate. 


Ads, propaganda, and blowhards are flooding the airwaves with bullshit about which person would be better for the job of president, or which party should have control to guide our nation forward.

I doubt any politicians will read this but here are some things we need to do to make this a better country:


·         Everyone whose income is over 75K a year should pay a flat rate of income tax.  Yes we can still give tax credits for kids, retirement, and so on but it all starts out even.  I guess if you have to have levels those from 50K to under 75K should pay a smaller percentage but under 50K shouldn’t have to pay anything – they already aren’t making it.
·         The political employees (Senators, Presidents, Congressmen, etc) all get the same retirement as the rest of us – Social Security or private paid for by their own funds not tax payer funds.
·         The old and infirm, the veterans –these groups should be cared for.  I don’t care if they live for 20 years or 50 years and need the care.  They aren’t able to do for themselves anymore and in some cases have stood the line defending our country.
·         Women are equal to men.  Gender does not make a difference.  If we have to do a fair wage thing – let’s do it.  No one should be discriminated against and women still are.  The government should stay out of the woman’s health care issues.  If people want abortion to stop then they better figure out ways to fix the problem of unwanted pregnancy – not get in the business of individual women.  This may mean that we have better adoption laws, better access and distribution to birth control and we EDUCATE.
·         Marriage is a union – it is a contract that shouldn’t matter whether the two parties are of the same gender or not. 
·         Corporations are not people.  All funds for campaigning should go into a central fund and be distributed evenly amongst all the candidates – so if there are 10 people running for a position and a million bucks were donated for that position – each candidate gets the same amount.  Attack ads should be banned.  Ads should be solely about what the candidate believes and wants to do. 
·          Education is KEY to eradicating poverty.  This doesn’t necessarily mean every kid has to be shuffled into college.  We still need plumbers, welders, electricians, and other crafts that require hands on training.  If you are on aid from the government – unemployment or welfare – you have to further your education in order to better place yourself.  We need to support that.
·         Don’t get into wars.  Okay if someone is threatening the US – really threatening not some bogus BS – it is okay to fight but there are almost always better solutions than going to war.  If you want to put our young people into harm’s way you better have a damn good reason for it – not some fantasy WMD myth.

I’m sure there are more things but these are the ones that come to mind off the top of my head.  As a politician, I expect you to be on board with these things.  If you aren’t then I have to figure out whether you are worth voting for.  I don’t’ want a President that dismisses half the country (even in a speech meant for a targeted audience).  I want a President who is going to try to serve the country as a whole, who will represent the US in a positive light, and who will be able to make the tough choices.  I want representatives who are going to listen to my opinion on all issues and only make decisions after they have listened to their constituents not based on an antiquated religious belief system which subjugates half the population. 

I am tired of all the BS ads and lies being told.  If you can’t open your mouth and speak the truth – then don’t open your mouth.  Mostly, I want all the damn political crap to be done.  My absentee ballot came and I’m going to fill it out, send it back and be done with it.  I can only hope the rest of the people in the country really think about what direction we want to go – forward into the future or backwards into an era that is long dead and shouldn’t be resurrected.


Our family cannot hang on to gifts till the day of the celebration for anything.  There is just no way for them to have patience enough to be able to wait to give a gift.  So Friday when Ken came in and was all secretive and stealthy, I knew something was up. 
Then he comes to the living room and asks Vicki “Should I give it to her now?”  Of course that is a ridiculous question because he was already planning to give it to me.  Our anniversary isn’t until June but he can’t wait that long to give it to me.
He produces a little pink box.  My first reaction was – Pink – really – you had to wrap it in my least favorite color?  Pink wrapping paper and pink bow… I gave him grief over that.  He didn’t wrap it, the store did.  It was beautifully wrapped..
I open it up and it is a jeweler’s box from my favorite jewelry store.  Now I can’t wear a lot of jewelry so I’m excited and a bit apprehensive too.  If it is a necklace I’ll be able to admire it and not wear it.  I open the white box and there is of course another box inside of it.  I open the inner box and there is the most beautiful pearl ring.  It is stunning and amazing.  I love it!!!!
I didn’t know that pearl was the item you were supposed to give for the 30th anniversary.  Ken did know this.  How I haven’t a clue but he got me the PERFECT gift.  I asked Vicki if she told him and she said no.  He gets lots of bonus points for getting the perfect gift.  He is one amazing guy…

Right and Wrong

I watch the View and the Talk.  Often I fast forward through the parts I am not interested in.  This last week both shows covered the topic of fidelity.  They talked about the movie The Dilemma which has a man trying to decide whether to tell his best friend that he’d seen his wife cheating.  There was quite the discussion on both shows about it.  Several of the hosts said no they wouldn’t tell. 

First why would you lie?  If you saw the spouse of a friend with someone else then why would you lie and cover it up.  Obviously if they are having lunch or walking with someone other than their spouse you aren’t going to run and tell tales.  However you can ask questions.  Saying to your friend – oh I just saw your spouse / mate (whatever) at lunch.  They were with someone I didn’t recognize etc.  You  might hear that oh that is a college friend or whatever. 

Obviously if you see the significant other locked in an intimate embrace that is completely different.  One would hope if they are cheating they would be discreet about it but who knows maybe that is part of the thrill. 

I have no problem with people having multiple partners so long as everyone is on the same page.  If you have promised to be faithful – you be faithful.  You give your word that you are going to be monogamous then you be monogamous.  If you want to play the field then you tell all of your partners that you are playing the field.

The next question that came up was would you cover for a girlfriend who was cheating.  Some of the hosts said no and some said yes.  To all my girlfriends – if you know me you know the answer to this.  As much as I love my friends the answer for me is hell no.  If you are in a committed relationship and you are stepping out you are WRONG.  Tell your partner that you want to play the field and be honest with him before you start doing that.  Don’t expect me to lie for you when you are in the wrong.  I’ll tell you to your face you are wrong. 

This may be a moral dilemma for some but for me it seems pretty straight forward.