Sleep Deprived

I can’t remember a time in my life where I haven’t cycled through times when I can’t sleep.  There are times I can sleep 8-10 hours a night or longer and still want more.  More often I’m working on 6 hours of sleep and happy I got that much.  Lately though I’ve been struggling with sleeping.  I go to bed and lay there for over an hour just trying to get to sleep.  Then when I do get to sleep, I only stay asleep for 20 minutes or so at a time. 
As I said I’ve been doing this a long time and I’m sort of used to it.  I’m noticing though that when I swing down into one of my sleep deprived periods that odd things happen to me.  I feel every possible ache in my body.  My arthritis usually only affects my knees and ankles but when I’m sleep deprived I feel it in my arms, hips, back… yeah pretty much everywhere.  I also have many more headaches.  These are the negative side effects of  my crazy brains sleep disturbances.
The positive side is I am so much more creative.  I find myself dreaming about my writing projects.  I write more poetry.  I am more productive in my writing.  I may be crankier (and yes you can tell) with people but when I sit down to work things just flow for me.  I can’t seem to get the words out of me fast enough. 
So while I’d like more sleep… I’d like more sleep and to continue to be as productive in my writing.  Now if I can just get my brain and body on board for that… oh and I’m sure those living and dealing with me would like me to be less cranky…

Age..

When I think about my own age, I don’t really care what the number is.  I’m 46 and just getting better with age.  However, every now and again I am surprised by the ages of those around me.  My bother-in-law will be 60 shortly.  I have known this for a while (obviously) but when my niece told me that they were throwing a party for his 60th birthday it surprised me.  He doesn’t seem 60.  He is an amazing man who has been a wonderful addition to our family.  He’s been a part of my life since I was 9.  I respect him a lot and when I think of him I don’t think of his age but of how good he is in our family.

His turning 60 though is sort of the beginning of a cascade of “big” birthdays for our family.  My mom will be 80 next year.  My oldest sister will be 60, husband 50, oldest daughter 30, youngest daughter 25… Lots of mile markers. 

For me – maybe because those numbers don’t mean much – I don’t think of them as being a particular age but just them.  The person I love and enjoy being with.  I know that others struggle with the numbers and how it makes them feel old (or whatever) but I just consider these people to be getting better and better…

Writing ups and downs…

I’ve been making leaps and bounds with this one project.  I am thrilled with the progress and think it is a great project.  I can’t wait to see it published.  This project is dear to my heart.  Unfortunately, the editor I was workiing with told me tonight that the publisher has decided to not publish that genre any longer. 

I’m disappointed.  I thought I was headed in the right direction this time around.  I thought I had a chance – a good chance – to actually get this book out in the world for people to read. 

While this downswing has certainly bummed me out, I’m not letting it stop me.  I am in the process of adding information and rewriting parts of it.  Once I’m through that I’m going to hit the market place and find a niche for this book.  All anybody can do is say no… and all that does is make me dig in my heals and work harder…Hopefully my stubbornness and determination will pay off…

Strong Men

I dvr a number of shows and skim through them.  I like talk shows like the View and the Talk.  I was skimming through an episode of the Talk and watched an interview with LL Cool J.  Now the man is a fine looking man and easy on the eyes.  I did not know that he was married (not a big follower of celebs) or that he had four kids.  He was impressive – and I’m not talking about his body or his looks.  He came on the show bringing gifts to each of the hosts.  This was very gentlemanly – even if it was a plug for his wife’s jewelry line.  It put a smile on all of the women’s faces. 

Then he talked about his wife and kids.  He was loving, proud, sweet, and amazingly mushy.  Now that may sound like he was effeminate but he definitely wasn’t.  All of these women were drawn to his quiet strength and his love of family.  It was a turn on in the best way. 

This man was strong enough and confident enough to come on this show and discuss family seriously.  He showed his softer side and it was impressive.  There are many men out there who are willing to love and cherish who don’t care if the world knows it.  These men are the ones women need to embrace. 

I also watch 16 and Pregnant / Teen Mom and have serious issues with the tolerance our teenage girls have for abusive and cheating boys.  The girls get pregnant and have to get serious about taking care of baby but the boys disappear.  Where are the parents of these boys to say – you played now you pay.  Get a job and pay for diapers, formula, clothes, etc.  Be there to take your turn caring for the baby so the mom can study and finish school so she can get a job too.  Where are the parents when it comes to these young men?  If these young men are dead beat dads at 16, 17, 18 – how are they going to be anything but deadbeat all their lives? 

I’ve had wonderful examples of men in my life.  My father and husband have given me amazing examples of loving men.  To see a celeb come out and speak so eloquently and lovingly was a pleasure.  LL Cool J was confident enough to speak from the heart.  I wish more men would express that confidence and have that respect / love for family.

Writing day…weekend…

I’m actually out of bed before Ken.  It happens just not too often.  I am clearing out my emails, reading blogs, and getting things out of the way.  Then I’m going to work on the writing things I have to do.  I got an email from the editor for my moon book.  I need to work on the suggestions she has.  I also need to work on the edits for my fiction manuscript.  I also want to pick out poems for another manuscript.  Madison sent me a link for a Wisconsin writing contest so I need to check that out.  Plus I’m behind on all my other newsletters.  Today and this weekend will be about writing …

For other activities (like the writing isn’t enough) I need to go to Earthsong as Vicki has asked me to and I need to go to Verizon to look at phones.  Stephanie is upgrading and I might upgrade as well.  I hate phone shopping.  I just want a phone – it doesn’t have to be fancy and I don’t want a dataplan.  I just want to call and text – that is it. 

On top of my other writing projects I’ve had this story in my head that I want to get down on paper.  I know once I start writing it will flow nicely but at this point I have so many other projects going that I don’t want to start another one – yet.  That’s not true… I really want to start this one but I’m concerned about having too many irons in the fire.  Hopefully if I’m diligent this weekend I’ll get several of these projects moved off my to do list and I’ll be able to work on the new story.

I need a personal assistant but I can’t afford one.  Then I could hand off all these other tasks to her and I could say “Give me a pad of paper and a pen and leave me alone so I can write …”

Might Does Not Make Right

On the campus I work on there was an assault of a young woman by two men who allegedly objected to her sexual orientation.  One of the guys was 6’ tall and the other was 5’6”.  Both of these men were in all likelihood stronger than the woman they attacked.  This is reprehensible to me.  I don’t care what the person believes or how they behave this does not give anyone the right to intimidate or attack them.  If you don’t like them fine – don’t be around them.
Might has NEVER meant you were right.  Just because you shout louder, hit harder, have bigger guns or have a better army doesn’t mean you get to be big man (or country) on the block.  I feel we are forgetting our roots in this country.  We are a bunch of rebels – descendants of people who fought against the bully of Great Britain.  We fought against the injustices that the king tried to implement against us. 
So why are we now trying to make everyone conform?  What is wrong with the people in this country?  We have gone from a country of independent thinkers to a country of conformists and religious zealots.  Believe the way I believe or else we will… and you fill in the blank.  Well isn’t that exactly how the Taliban thinks?  Isn’t that what they are trying to do is make us conform to their beliefs?
Somehow we need to get back in touch with these roots of our and become the rebels of the past.  No one should force us to conform to their way of thinking.  It should be a personal choice and we should be able to respect those choices – even if we don’t agree with them.
I know it is small town Wisconsin here but it saddens and disgusts me that this happened.  Where has our compassion and our sense of right and wrong gone?  People can respectfully disagree – at least I believe we can.  Apparently small town leads some to think they can be small minded.  This is a sad statement of our society…. 

Scientific advancement or invasion of privacy?

On the Talk last week, Sharon Osbourne talked about a new medical test which gave all the possible issues with a person medically.  It will give an indicator of whether you will have cancer, diabetes, mental illness, and so on.  She was raving about how her husband and herself had the test done and they were promoting it.  My first question is who will that information be released to?  If it is going to the insurance companies are they going to be able to deny coverage because this test shows something negative?  Will the individual be denied admittance to schools or jobs because it shows the individual isn’t at the intelligence level required? 

I think science is fabulous and has had some amazing advancements but this is one where I think we are opening a can of worms.  I think it puts us one step forward into a situation where people will have this test done and be discriminated against because of the results. 

Did anyone know that all babies DNA is taken and put into a national database?  This has been done since the mid-1980s.  Now I have three girls born in that era and I have no idea whether their information is included in that database but I sure wasn’t asked if I wanted it done.  I don’t believe it is even told to parents that some of the blood taken from their newborn is going to that.  It might be useful to have that information in a database but my question is – how protected is the information?  Who is watching out for the privacy of these children? 

Science is great but how are we protecting our privacy and our rights with each advancement?  I’d rather be proactive about it than reactive…

Great afternoon…

I’ve had an amazing afternoon.  TJ’s pictures are fabulous.  She is so talented and her work is so beautiful.  I can’t wait to see it in print.  It enhances my words and brings the book to life.  Everytime I look over her work and we meet to discuss I am more excited about the project.  We worked on the book and then discussed three other projects.  I’m so excited for all of them.  I can’t wait to see her ideas on them.  They are all so different.  It is an exciting process.

After the work was done it was relaxing and fun to sit by the fire and talk.  We had an afternoon filled with stimulating conversation and laughter.  It was cozy and comfortable.  The conversation covered a variety of topics (way too many to even list).  TJ is thought provoking, intelligent and entertaining. 

Great day… lots accomplished… and now a bit of play time.. maybe some crocheting and dvr watching…

Morning errands

What does it say when I’m exhausted by 10 am?  Now granted I’ve been pretty busy this morning.  My daughter and I went to the gas station, Sorgs (butcher shop), two libraries, met with a friend to drop off something, and came home.  I’ve been on the phone to talk about the new phones for Stephanie and I – have I mentioned I hate phone shopping?

Now I’m home and planning to go sit by the fireplace until TJ shows up for lunch and work on the book.  I’m hoping for a bit of quiet before more chaos.  This afternoon will hopefully be creative and fun in going over all the amazing pictures TJ has created – I can’t wait to see them.  She is an amazing artist and I love her work. 

We also click when it comes to our vision for our work.  My words inspire her in a way that inspires me.  If that makes any sense at all…

So a little down time before a productive and creative afternoon… care to join me?  The fireplace awaits…

Weekend plans

Another week comes to a close for me and I’m looking forward to the weekend.  Hopefully my artist will make it to my house on Saturday.  We have art to go over for a meditation book we are working on.  I also want to get more of the edits done on the manuscript I’m working on.  I’ve a third of the edits in the computer and am hoping to finish updating the manuscript.  If I manage to finish that off then I need to reprint it and edit it one more time.
A wonderful friend of mine created a database to track people, places, and details in different manuscripts.  I need to get that on my computer and set up so I can start using it.  It would be good to convert the paper lists I have to electronic.  While I’m at it I better do a back up of my computer and all this new stuff.
If I get a chance I should work on the baby blanket for my friend’s new grandson.  I should get that finished before he outgrows the baby size afghan.  I can work on that while I catch up on my DVR watching. 
These activities are of course on top of all the normal ones like grocery shopping, drug store run, butcher shop and so on.  I’ll never get this all done in one weekend but it will be fun to try…