It’s Here!

Yesterday my scooter arrived!!!  I took the day off to make sure I was there to sign for it.  It came midday and the guy didn’t make me sign for it.

I’m so happy to have this.  Now I have to figure out how I’m getting it in and out of my car so I don’t end up with sore body parts, dirty clothes, or damaged car.

It folds differently from my previous scooter so I can’t slide it in like I did the old one.  I’m going to look for options at some point this weekend.

This means I can go places and not feel like a complete burden.  I’ll be able to get around and it will be better than before because my old scooter was sporadic at best towards the end.  I have independence and confidence in being able to get around and do things.  I don’t have to feel as anxious about going to new places or being left out of things because I’m concerned I won’t be able to get around.  My new scooter means I am able to get around any store – maybe even multiple stores!

The struggle with the insurance and the process to get the new scooter was difficult.  I’m glad it’s over and I can put it all behind me.

I’m actually looking forward to doing errands this weekend.  I have two stores I need to go to and I should be able to get around and do the stores without a problem.  I should be able to take care of the things I need without there being any issue.  I’m almost excited to shop – and I don’t like shopping.

A Burden?

You would expect those closest to you to best understand your limitations.  They don’t always.  I suffer from arthritis among other things.  Pain is a daily – minute by minute part of my life. 

Many of my family members treat me as if I’m just being lazy when I am unwilling to do certain activities.  One of my sisters always has her family events in her basement.  This is fine for everyone except me because I cannot do stairs.  It hurts that she is so inconsiderate of me, but at the same time, I don’t want to demand the party be in another part of her house because it is her house. 

Cooking has become very difficult.  I can’t stand at the stove long enough to watch items cooking.  This means my husband is stuck cooking.  More than that though, I need to have items packaged in a way that is easy for me to grab and go.  It sounds ridiculous but to make a sandwich by the time I’ve gathered all the items to make the sandwich I’m almost in tears from the pain.  To gather items for breakfast and lunch during the week, I look for simple solutions like poptarts (not a health solution).

I don’t mean to complain – the people in my life have the best intentions.  I can sit and do nearly anything – cut things up, package, season, mix, and so on.  However, walking around to gather or standing to cook is painful.

Most people just go through their morning routine and if they forget something it is just a run back to get it.  What I do is plan out my steps – literally, I plan every step of what I will do because the more steps I take the more pain I’m in.  If I forget something, I gauge whether it will be worth the pain of retracing my steps to get the item – especially if I have to go back up steps.

I wish I could do all the things I used to.  I miss taking hikes, cooking, doing all the everyday things I used to.  Sometimes I feel stuck in the recliner.  I often feel like a burden when things need to be done or I want things done but can’t do the tasks myself.

In the past, if I wanted a room rearranged I would just do it.  Now it is impossible for me to do this type of task on my own.  I’m a take charge type of person, if I don’t like how something is I just fix it.  Sadly I can’t anymore so I have to ask.  This makes me feel like a burden on those I have to ask.  I’d rather do without than ask.  If I don’t ask then people won’t look at me as lazy.  If I don’t ask then I am not beholden to people.  And yes I know if I don’t ask then it won’t get done.

I’ve gotten good at telling people what I can do but I’m not very good at telling them what I need help with.  Is this because I’m stubbornly independent?  Is this because of the reactions I’ve gotten from people in my life?  Probably a bit of both.  If I think on this logically I know people are willing to help but there is still that voice in me that says do it yourself or let it go.

Back to Work (or in my head it is Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work I go)

First thing this morning I went back to my normal routine (mostly) and got myself off to work.  I had help because I still need assistance with getting things.  Vicki made my breakfast and my lunch.  I drove to work, got my scooter out, and got into work on my own. 

It may seem like a small thing.  Big deal.  I got off to work on my own.  For me it is a big deal.  My sense of self came back a bit and I felt more independent than I have in weeks.  I appreciate the assistance and care that Vicki has given me.  I wouldn’t have been as mobile as I was without her.  It was just great though to be able to get out on my own. 

I worked nearly eight hours which is more than I’ve worked since before Thanksgiving.  My foot swelled and by the end of the day I was worn out.  However, I was still able to move about and get myself from office to van without assistance.  I got the scooter back in the van and got home on my own.  Again a little thing for most but feels like a giant step for me.

Now once I got home the recliner and I enjoyed a nap.  I spent the rest of the evening in the recliner and took Tylenol to help with the pain.  More of my pain was in my knees though than my foot.  My foot is still swollen but it is not very painful so this is a huge improvement. 

Tomorrow will be another work day and I have a lot to get done before classes start in two weeks.  Wow!  Classes start in two weeks.  I have to get my books ordered from Amazon and call the rental to see if either class has books there.  I have five books to buy and they are expensive.  The science one is outrageous.  I’m going to make sure I don’t write in it so I can sell it back when I’m done.  The four for my writing class I’ll have to see if I find them useful.  The writing books I’ve been keeping.  I do need to remember to put the grammar book on sale though as I won’t use the one I got for one of my classes last semester. 

My desk and office are a colossal mess.  I’m hoping that I can be well enough to get in there to clean it up before classes start otherwise it will likely take me all semester to clean it up.  I’ll likely keep the information from my grant writing class and the book.  For the other class I’ll be much more selective about what I keep and what I discard. 

Part of me wants to just get in there and start on it and then I move my foot and I know it won’t be happening tonight.  I’m thinking I’ll try to get to bed before midnight for a change.