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I’ve just returned from an hour in the pool exercising.  It is the only place I can workout without causing more damage to my knees and other joints.  The nice thing is I LOVE going.  Pain is a part of my daily life but I still  make the effort to go to the pool and work out.  

Our society pushes people to be thin and perfect. I think that is boring and unhealthy. If we were all meant to be the same then we already would be. We are meant to be different sizes and shapes. So I’m not pushing for people to lose weight or fit a particular mold.

For all those out there who live in pain, I just want to encourage you to make an effort.  Even if all you can do is walk up and down a hall for five minutes or some other minimal effort, make the effort.  Get up and move.  You are worth it.  You are worth trying to get healthy and be better for YOU. 

The workout will help you feel better about yourself – someone else can tell you the chemical reasons why (endorphins I think).  The effort you put into it – even if it is only for 5 minutes while you dance (sitting or standing) – will reward you ten times over.  The pain will go away temporarily, the handicap will be lessened and the exercise will give you a high better than any drug.  The effort will be worth it.

I got up early today because tomorrow I have to be up even earlier.  I’ve needed and enjoyed this time off.  I loved seeing Stephanie, going to the pool on my schedule, writing, being a bum, cleaning (odd but true), and just having down time.  There defnitely wasn’t a grand scheme of vacation plans other than to get some of my endless to do list done. 

Today I’m going to the pool, hanging out with people I enjoy being with, and doing as little as possible.  I’ll have to actually go to bed before 1 am for a change so I can be up at 4:30. 

I’m a tad bit sad that the vacation is coming to a close but reality is no one has won the lottery or inhereted millions so I have to go back to work.  This has been a reprieve from my normal schedule and I’ve gotten some of the de-stress time I definitely needed.  I know when I go back to work tomorrow I will have a lot of stuff to get through. 

However, I have today yet and I’m not going to let tomorrow stress me out. 

I tried writing a new kind of poetry today called Tanka.  It is similar to Haiku in that is another short poem style from Japan.  There are only five lines and the lines have a certain number of syllables.  Traditional Tanka has 5-7-5-7-7 syllables per line.  Since English doesn’t sound like Japanese the syllables can vary.  It might be 4-6-4-6-6 or something similar.  According to the Handbook of Poetic Forms, Tanka poems are mood pieces.  They represent a moment in time and shouldn’t be too sentimental.

I like to refer to this book and try different formats.  It is easy for me to sit, watch nature pass me by, and write something free style.  Flowing prose which is descriptive of whatever is going on around me.  For me to try these other styles it helps to stretch my writing abilities and makes me think outside my own free form.  I enjoy the challenge. 

It is interesting to try to capture a moment in 31 syllables.  How would you describe an incredibly happy moment or a tragic moment in 31 syllables?  How would you describe a flower in 31 syllables?  It presents a challenge to make it fit and have it make sense.  

Try it and see what you think….

I always have such grand plans for what I’m going to get done while I’m on vacation.  There is always about three times the number of things a normal person could do.  If I could stay up 24/7 and not have to stop for food, bathroom breaks, or showers then I might be able to get all these planned things done.  That is definitely not feasible.  Those I live with appreciate that I shower… 

I’m down to my last few days off and feeling pretty good about my list.  I could tell you all the things I didn’t do but they don’t really matter.  I did rest and relax.  I plan to do more of that over the weekend when one of my most fun friends comes over.  I’m also going to do more work – going back to the basement with the husband in the hopes of tackling the clutter monster down there.  If you don’t hear from me again – well the clutter monster won.  I wouldn’t bet on that happening though with both Ken and I working on it. 

I’ve written some, edited some, submitted some, and enjoyed the entire process.  I’ve had recliner time, kid time (mine and others), tv time, and other times…  Overall, it’s been a good vacation… well okay a cute cabana boy would have been a nice addition….

A friend was over today to help clean my house.  She is a single mom with a little two year old.  My youngest is 23 and that is very different energy than the two year old.  It is always a great time when the little one comes over.  She is bright, cheerful, cute, and well behaved (for a two year old).  She has to be watched – loves to push buttons on the tv.  For the most part no is respected. 

I LOVE spending time with this little one.  She is so much fun.  Her giggle is infectious.  Her smile mischievious. 

I’m not grandma but I get to practice on this one and spend time with an amazing little girl.  When she goes home I usually have worn her out and she has usually worn me out.  It is one of my best times in the week when I get to see her. 

This is why it baffles me how people can hit, beat, talk down to, belittle, rape, and do horrible things to children.  They are open, loving, honest creatures who only want to learn, grow and love. 

I know that single parents have a difficult time with few or no breaks and get really stressed out.  So here is the thing – if you know someone like that – offer to take their kid(s).  Spend a day on the floor putting together puzzles and repeating yourself a thousand times by telling the little ones colors, numbers, shapes, letters, names of things.  Read a book with feeling – none of this just turning the pages.  Act out the book, make voices for the characters, yell at the exciting parts, whisper at the quiet parts.  Race cars across the floor.  Dance with stuffed animals… play with these kids like you were a kid.  It is GREAT for you and them.  It lightens your mood and stress level and shows the kids that there are positive people out there who are willing to be involved and interested in their lives.

Today I went to register to vote and sign up for an absentee ballot.  As someone who is handicapped I was faced with a difficult decision.  Do I take the ramp which is three times the distance from my car to the door or take the stairs?  Both are painful and difficult for my arthritic knees and ankles.  I hate facing these choices.  It was tempting to say – fuck it – and not go register to vote or sign up for the absentee voting.  When I’m faced with situations like these I wonder if the designer of the handicapped area really thought about all possible handicapped situations.  Someone in a wheel chair would have no problem getting up that ramp provided someone was pushing them or it was an electric chair.  A walking handicapped person such as myself would have difficulties with the distance – as I did.

I was at a restaurant today with my daughter and watched as people thoughtlessly parked in a handicap spot.  I’ll grant that there was no sign but the painted handicap symbol was clearly visible on the parking spot. 

Here is what I want people to think about.  When you take a spot near the door, you are making it so that people who are handicapped aren’t able to visit that establishment.  You are limiting their already limited ability to get around.  You may also be causing them more pain.  If they are like me – they will find the nearest parking spot and hope the extra distance won’t cause them too much pain. 

If you see someone parking in a handicap spot and they don’t look handicapped but have a plate or card don’t judge them.  You never know what the handicap is.  It could be a heart problem, epilepsy, diabetes, or any number of other issues which do not show outwardly.  Don’t judge them.

If you see someone parking in the handicap spot and they aren’t handicapped.  Ask them to move.  If they don’t then call the police.  I know – no one wants to get involved – but if you don’t what about the next handicapped person who pulls into the parking lot?  Will they be able to even get out of their vehicle and into the establishment? 

Do the right thing.  Don’t park in the handicap spots and support the handicapped by preventing other people (non-handicapped) from parking there.  If you don’t want to get involved in a confrontation, then call the police and let them deal with these inconsiderate people.

I’m on my fifth day of vacation and I’m finally alone in my house.  I have peace and quiet.  Can I write?  Nope… I typed up the hand written stuff for a story I’m working on.  I stared at my computer screen and could not bring a single thought forth to continue once I was done with the hand written stuff.  Go figure. 

Does this mean I’m going to give up on writing stuff today?  Nope.  I’ll turn to researching places to submit my work to I guess.  It is frustrating because I have been looking forward to finishing this story for a while now.  I know where I want to go with it but I’m in a slump.  Not a writing slump because I never stop writing (note I’m working on my blog instead of my story….)

One of the best things I can think of to do when I get like this is to take a nap.  I know it sounds like I’m sluffing off but in reality this relaxation helps me to unfocus from the computer and let my mind play through the possibilities so I can become more creative.  The great thing about a nap is I can relax and let go of the worries and when I get an idea, I can pop back to the computer and get it down right away before it fades away. 

Guess I’ve talked myself into a nice little nap…

I admit to liking reality tv.  I know it is probably horrible but I enjoy Survivor, the Kardashians, Gene Simmons, Real Housewives, and others.  Warped I know but it is one of my guilty pleasures.  Before watching Gene Simmons, I thought (if I thought about him at all) he was a chauvenistic pig who wasn’t worth the air he breathed.  Having watched his show, I realize what a loving man he is and that more men need to emulate his dedication and care he gives to his family.  Regularly he shows how deeply he cares for his children and long time girlfriend Shannon Twead. 

Last night in my guilty pleasure of tv watching, I watched the first part of the wrap up for Real Housewives of New Jersey.  I have to say I am NEVER going to New Jersey if this is what the people are like.  These women are a poor representation of women.  If we could vote them off the island of womanhood, my vote would go to the four of them. 

The language they use would make a sailor blush.  I don’t care about language – sometimes you just need to say a good cuss word or ten.  It is more than just their language.  Their demeanor is repulsive.  Their behavior is beneath the lowest scum.  If you don’t like one another then leave each other alone.  For those of you who don’t watch (don’t start) there are four women – Caroline, Jacqueline, Theresa, and Danielle.  Danielle has managed with her behavior to alienate all the other women on the show. 

I’m not saying who I like and don’t like on the show but mostly I stopped watching part way through the season because quite frankly they give the entire state of New Jersey a black eye and when it comes to women and feminism they put us back about 100 years.  One of the daughters on the show (19) was told she needs to know her place.  Granted her behavior was out of control but really?  We want to tell a woman she has “a place” in life.  Would that be barefoot and pregnant? 

I’m sorely disappointed that these women are representing anything.  Moreover, I’m disappointed that this is the kind of television that is being put out there.  How is it acceptable that we want to watch a train wreck of these four women.  They are vicious and catty.  If they represent women then it is no wonder men run from women. 

I know – I watched for a while.  I stopped when I saw the direction it was going.  The only reason I watched the wrap up show is to see if there was any resolution among these four women.  There wasn’t.  It was more violence, vulgarity, and out of control behavior.  Just as I’ve stopped watching the Atlanta show – I will not be watching the New Jersey one any longer. 

Are women really that shallow and petty?  I don’t think so.  I just want to tell each of them to grow up and get a clue. 

One of my biggest frustrations with writing is trying to cover all my bases.  I need to write to produce things for publishing.  At the same time I need to submit articles, stories, poems, etc to be able to get published.  Somehow I have to keep track of all of these things.  Then there is tracking leads, what has been submitted where and when, and follow up.  Oh and let’s not forget about deadlines… don’t want to miss them or be habitually late with meeting them or editors will stop using your work.

I’m attempting to use technology to my advantage here.  I’ve started a spreadsheet to track all my work.  Next will be one to track the characters in each story – though someone offered to make me a database for that.  I’ve spent a lot of time entering information on my spreadsheet and gathering more information to enter. 

I need a secretary or personal assistant but I can’t afford one so I have to make this as efficient and easy as possible so I can do what I love to do – WRITE….

With any luck these spreadsheets will work nicely and I’ll be able to keep better track of the work I have done and in progress.  Hopefully all of this prep work will help me to market my work better and get more of it published.  I just have to make the technology work for me instead of the other way around…

It amazes me how much joy you can get from the small things in life.  I drove six hours today to spend two hours with my youngest daughter.  I LOVED seeing her smile, hear her gush over the wind turbines, talk about Wisconsin in that I love it – even if I don’t live here tone.  It was great to hear about her week, her life,  her accomplishments.  It was wonderful to see the interaction between Stephanie and Vicki, hear the affection between them, and be a part of their converstaion.  It makes me miss my oldest daughter and wish I would have those moments with her too.

They have been gone now for six months for Virginia and ten months for Stephanie.  We helped Virginia move down in February so I have gotten to see Stephanie three times in the last ten and Virginia not at all.  I miss them.  Don’t get me wrong.  I miss them, seeing them, giving hugs and backrubs, talking to them about their day… I miss all of that.  I miss listening to Ken and the girls arguing about whatever on a Sunday when they are all lounging around the house.  All these little things I miss… but I don’t want them to move home. 

I’m so proud of them for all they have accomplished.  It takes a lot to move a half a country away from everything you are familiar with and make a new life for yourself.  They have done this.  They are still getting their footing but they are working on building their foundations from the foundation Ken and I gave them. I know soon Vicki will be joining their ranks in moving away from home and building her own life. 

Their accomplishments – no matter how big or small – amaze me and fill me with a joy.  This is what we were supposed to do – raise them to go out in the world and make their own way and chase their own dreams. 

It may be mushy and sentimental but I love my girls.  I’m very proud of all my girls.