Tag: letting go

A Step in the Right Direction

by eileentroemel, posted in Life

About mid-week I realized the school semester was wrapping up and there were definitely some tasks around the office I wanted done before I lost all my student workers.  More than the tasks though, I realized one of my student workers wouldn’t be coming back.  Now I’ve known for a while she was graduating.  It was one of those moments though where I really took stock.

On one hand I’ll miss this person.  She’s a bright spot in my day.  At the same time, I’m very happy for her as she has gotten into the grad program she wants to be in, gotten a job which will work around her program, and will be moving on with her life.  She’s taking the next steps in her life.

My job is to let her go, to help her get to a place where she could move from this place in her life, to the next one.  While I won’t see her daily and our relationship will change, I’m still going to be available if she needs anything.

It’s the same with my own life.  There are things I need to let go of in order to move from where I am to where I want to be.  With Wayfarer Expansion, I had a hard time letting it go, putting it out to be published.  I questioned everything.  It took a solid reminder from a friend to get me to let go.

Letting go isn’t easy.  It involves trusting that what comes next will be what is needed and a step in the right direction.  Letting go isn’t always fun.  Often it involves grief for who or what we were but it also involves a step into the unknown.

This can be difficult.  We have to have faith the unknown isn’t the monster we imagine but a gift and a pleasure.  Instead of looking at the fearful side, we should be looking at the hopeful side.  No we don’t know what’s coming but there is always hope it will be better and brighter than what we currently have.

We may be closing a door on what we know but we could be opening the door on something more positive and beneficial to our path and life.  Endings are hard, usually they involve grief of some sort.  Beginnings can be hard but almost always they involve the hope we all need in our lives.  Hope to be in a better place, hope to be happier, healthier, or whatever you are seeking.

Life, Life, Life

by eileentroemel, posted in Life

Life is what happens when you’re planning your life, right?  Unexpectedly, we got to see Virginia this weekend.  It was wonderful to see her but unfortunately, she came home for a funeral of a friend’s mother. 

I spent my weekend running around, visiting with people, and accomplishing nothing useful.  I did get some editing done while Virginia was off with her friend. 

Funerals are always difficult.  This time of year is a little rough for me as it is the anniversary of my father’s death.  I was pregnant with Vicki at the time.  He was a good man, strong, loving, stubborn, accepting of who I was.  I have to say I’ve rarely felt as accepted as I did when dad was still here. 

Fall is about endings and most endings I handle just fine.  The ending of my father’s life marked me and changed me.  Up until his death, I had experienced death of my grandparents, uncle, cousins, but none of those deaths affected me as much as his.  I miss those people but I miss my dad more. 

Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in life.  It is a matter of trusting that when we let go of what we are clinging to that things will be better or we will have a better understanding of whatever we are hanging on to. 

This fall I guess I’m letting go a little more of the grief (yes I still grieve 30 years later) and embracing the memories I have of my father.  I can list off a dozen words to describe him but it doesn’t get to the core of how much he loved and cherished his family.  No matter what he accepted and helped us handle what needed to be handled. 

I’m sure he had flaws.  I know he was stubborn and proud.  For me, he listened.  He listened when I felt no one heard.  He hugged when I  needed it and he was firm when I needed that too.  I hope he’s proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished.  I know he’d love his granddaughters and be excited for their accomplishments. 

Grief is hard, has a hard edge to it and usually eases over time.  There are times when we lose people in our lives who are so dear and precious that the grief never stops but we have to learn to cope with it.  One way I cope is by honoring the person who has passed. 

Playing on the teeter totter

by eileentroemel, posted in Life, Writing

Balance is important in life.  I know this but like most people I struggle with finding the time to do all the things that are important.  Like a teeter totter, balance is difficult to maintain.

It was a good day yesterday stepping out of writing mode and hanging with friends to do a double feature of movies and dinner.  I got a bit of everything yesterday.  I ran errands, worked on writing production, had fun with friends, and talked to my girls.

Last night while Ken watched football, I opened up a file of a story I’m trying to get finished.  I have two books done and am part way through the third.  The intention is to finish the story in the third book.  With all the tasks on these books, I get lost in the work and don’t make time to write.  Since I seem to be in a writing mood, I’ve started reading this series again to get back to telling the story.

I also took time out of writing mode to talk to my girls.  I video chatted with two of them and talked on the phone with the third one.

In my head, I know where I’m going but I just need to get it down on paper.  To do that I need to be less concerned with editing the second book and more concerned with finishing the third one.

Ken is working around the house today.  I’m going to work on the production of the next poetry book.  When I’m tired of that (or get stuck or my legs hurt too much) I”m going to switch to the recliner and either watch tv and crochet or work on the story.  I’ll see how the mood goes.

I’m trying to incorporate a little of what is needed in all aspects of my life.  Yesterday was a good day for balance.  I know that balance is a momentary thing.  With all that was scheduled, I managed to have some balance.  Who knows what today will bring.

The full moon is tonight and for the next three nights.  I’ll be trying to maintain some balance during this time.  I’ll also be thinking of what I need to let go of with the waning moon.  The waning moon decreases a little each night until the dark moon.  My question will be – what do I need to let go of by small (or large) increments during the harvest time?  I’m not sure I have an answer but as normally happens, I’m sure something will present itself.

Yule or Winter Solstice

by eileentroemel, posted in Life, Writing
The year is waning, winding down to the calendar end of year.  More than that though it is a time when we have harvested all of our items – whether from the garden or from our lives.  Now we are facing the darkness of winter – allegedly this is a slower time.  However, in our constantly on the go world I don’t know that we actually get to slow down at all. 
When I cope with the craziness of this season, I struggle with all the obligations for the holidays.  What makes it tolerable for me is being with people who are dear to me.  This year that will extend to Kelly and Dominic who are far from their families but a new part of our family. 
This year in particular I am looking at all I’ve accomplished – not just this year but over the last 2 ½ years.  I’ve gotten that second degree finally.  Now I need to clean house (when it comes to my office that is literally) of the old and start looking for what will be next on my schedule. 
While my girls will be home for a few days (YEAH!!!!), I will have a week on my own with no obligations other than what I decide needs to be done.  In this week, I’m going to clean my office and look at what projects I want to work on first.  There are so many which can be a problem as I end up not being able to decide what to do first. 
If you’ve read my blog this will not come as a surprise to you – I have a list of things I want to work on and I’m hoping to focus on them during the next several months.  First and foremost, I want to work on submissions.  I want my work out there and being read.  Love it or hate it – I want editors, publishers, and readers to have the opportunity to see it. 
For this Winter Solstice, I am letting go of being in school and the focus that takes and looking forward to what paths and goals are next.  While I often think I know the path, there are always surprises with life.  This winter I’m going to focus on finding my way – whatever that way may be – editing, writing, crocheting, and just being me. 
There are six weeks until Imbolc (beginning of February).  In this time, I intend to explore all my options.  When I figure out what the next goal is I want to accomplish, I’ll start on the plan for it.  Who knows maybe there will be several goals – after all my life is multi-faceted so why wouldn’t my goals be? 
How will you spend the dark times this season?  What will you let go of at the end of the year?