It’s a pay week so lots of errands and chores to do in the house.  About half of them are done.  Now I’m turning my attention to other tasks.  I have a lot of writing tasks to do as well as start with going through my mother’s photos.  Plus I’m going to a reader event next weekend so all of the prep for it has to be this weekend.

In reality, all I really want to do is curl up and sleep.  For the last three weeks sleep has been sporadic.  As well as dealing with my own grief, I’ve been helping others cope with their grief.  I find myself wrung out and exhausted.  I know this means I need to take some me time and everyone has their own idea of what that should be.

For me, it means clearing things off my to do list.  It comforts me and helps me feel like I’m productive.  For instance, the photos are all cluttering up my office.  In reality my mother loved to take photos but as she got older and less steady, the quality of her pictures declines.  She also took a ton of nature pictures which no one really wants.  They really only meant anything to her.  If I work on the photo albums I have, will it make me feel better?  I don’t know.  It sure won’t hurt and I could maybe clear out some stuff from my office.

All sorts of people have been telling me how I should grieve.  I know they mean well but in general what works for other people doesn’t really work for me.  I figure my own way of doing things.

Part of my grieving is to write – posts like this one and the last one.  I express myself well (generally) in words.  Sometimes to just put it on paper helps.  It’s out of my head and I can move forward.

Today and tomorrow are going to be about doing what I need to do for me.  I’m not sure what those things will be but I’ll figure it out as my mood evolves.

I’ve told people I’m hyper-irritable.  Mostly I think I’ve reach the stage where I need quiet.  I’ve been surrounded by family and people for a lot of days.  At some point, I always need quiet and alone.  There’s something about being quiet and alone which helps me.  I can hear my own thoughts and feel my own feelings without having to support anyone but me.

I’m sad my mother is dead but I KNOW she’s at peace and with my dad.  This doesn’t make me sad, it’s a relief.  It’s a relief to not worry the moment I see the assisted living facility on my phone – to wonder – is this another fall or another problem?  The worry is gone.  At the same time, I find myself thinking – oh mom would like … and about the time I get that far, I realize mom’s gone.  The moment hits me hard.  At the same time, I know it’s okay.  It’s supposed to hurt and it’s supposed to be sad and it’s supposed to be a relief.

I don’t expect anyone to grieve the way I do – though I’m sure there are similarities.  This is a process and I’ve taken the first step through this jungle of emotions and responsibilities and tasks.  The first wave of it has rolled over me.  I’m looking within now to assess where I’m at and how I feel.

Working on my to do list distracts me but at the same time helps me.  This weekend will be about working through some of those items.

Bulging To Do List

I’ve been working on a story almost non-stop for several months.  I like how it’s developing.  I like how it changed from what I thought it was going to be.  It was flowing nicely and then life got complicated.

As is usually the case, my brain can only handle so many tasks and then it rebels.  In this case, every time I open my document, I read through, do edits, and come to the end.  I may write a paragraph or two or even as much as a scene but then blank.  The problem – so many things on my to do list.

I separate my life into segments.  There’s the business of writing which involves marketing, prepping for publication, creating covers, and so on; writing; crocheting; editing (paid or for myself) and then other.  Obviously I’m not including personal here because that is always ongoing. 

My process is always affected by how much I have going on in these sectors.  I can write and write and write until I have three or four or more manuscripts waiting to be edited.  There’s a tipping point.  I think the most I had at one point was six.  Then I switch from writing (incessantly) to editing.  Some of these things go on no matter what – like the marketing.  I try to do some every day.  At the same time I’m looking at crocheting as well.  I want to do a sale in December but I’m trying to judge whether I will have enough time to make enough for a sale or not.  Then the question becomes would my books draw enough money to make a profit after I pay for the table.  Initially I was thinking of having both my books and my crocheting but I am not sure at this point.  I feel I need to make a decision soon.

The only way that decision is going to get made is if I get a couple of my current crochet projects done and off my plate.  This would mean a few nights a week I would devote to crocheting items for the sale.  Part of the problem is I don’t know how much and what to make.  I’d rather have too much than too little.  So many things rolling around in my head.

Right now, I’m trying to focus on getting stuff done.  I had stalled on one item I was working on because I didn’t like the options I had for part of the project.  Last night I figured out what I liked and wanted.  Now I have to check to make sure the end user will like it as well.  Then it’s a matter of finishing that part and figuring out one more part.  Once it’s done, I need to take pictures and send it off for submission to a publication.  I’m hoping to finish it tonight or tomorrow night.  Then I’m back on the blanket I’ve been working on.

I’ve got a book I’ve been keeping track of things in.  I realized I wasn’t carrying it and it was causing problems because I wasn’t keeping up with things.  It is now back in my backpack to help keep me on track – I hope. 

I finished a read through on Wayfarer Resolve – which I wanted published in August but it wasn’t ready.  I want to wait a day or three to let it settle, then I will do one more read through before I work on publishing.  I’m hoping before the end of September at this point. 

Back at the Grindstone

With nine days off, you would think I got a lot accomplished.  I did when it comes to spending time with my girls but off my to-do list?  Not so much.

I got 70 stars made but I need to get 30 more done.  I’d like to get them done sooner rather than later.  But it wasn’t this past weekend.  I guess I’ll take them to work with me so I can work on them during my lunch hour.

I still have a shawl to do and I have an idea on how I want to do it but I have to see how I think it will work out.  Part of me is itching to get these two projects off my list.  I know I have two more right on the heels of it which are both started.

The good thing is I got edits on the computer for the next Wayfarer book but I didn’t get the second Wild Magic book edited.  That stays in my bag to work on.

Oh and if that isn’t enough, the girls brought home this fun, addicting game called Ticket to Ride – which is about building trains on all sorts of maps.  We found out there’s a version of it I can have on my phone.  This is a mistake but it’s on my phone.  Oh my goodness – I can’t stop playing.  Saturday night I stayed up till 1 in the morning playing it and I didn’t notice time passing.  I’m going to have to be firm with myself because I have too many other things to do.

On Facebook I’ve been seeing snippets from JD Robb’s books.  It made me want to read them.  I got through the first three in no time.  I’ve got a Dragon book I’m reading too.  I like the premise of the dragon books (and who doesn’t love dragons?) but there is a touch too much repetition for me.  There are 64 chapters in the book I’m reading but they are short chapters.  I’m sort of interested but it doesn’t hold my attention.  I’ll get through it eventually and I’m hoping there’s a tipping point where I get enthralled in the story to the point where I can’t put it down but I’m not holding my breath.  On the JD Robb books, I’m not sure whether I’m going to reread the whole series (she has a new one coming put in September) or not but I thoroughly enjoyed the ones I’ve read so far.  I’m also reading a review book.  I need to struggle my way through the end of it and write the review.  Then I have two or three more to read for reviews.  I hope they are better than I expect.


It’s been a good and a bad week for me.  My gout is acting up so my pain level is up – this is the bad in case you didn’t know.  I’m going to get the whining out of the way.  I’m having a hard time walking, standing up straight – this is also arthritis not just gout.  With the rain, comes pain. 

On the plus side – I’ve got a new book out.  I have a five star review on it on Goodreads!  I also got a five star review on the crochet pattern – Half Dozen Headbands! 

I was writing hot and heavy on a story but I’m looking for ideas.  While I look I’ve been doing all sorts of other things – marketing, editing, and reading.  I have all my book covers on Pinterest and Mogul.  Next step is to get them up on Instagram. 

I’ve been feeling really grumpy lately.  I’m in serious grumpy mode.  This doesn’t happen to me often.  I don’t want to talk to anyone (yet here I am writing a blog – yes I am aware of the irony) and I don’t want to do social crap.  I want to do what I want to do and if I could do it alone – all the better. 

People don’t get the need to be alone.  I haven’t had a lot of time to myself and it means I’m ornery.  I don’t mind talking to the right people but lately I feel like I’m stuck in a rut and not able to get what I want done.  The problem?  I’m not getting the writing things I want done.  I was supposed to publish two manuscripts (one under my pen name and Royal Undercover).  I only got one done.  I’m grumbling about my current work in process because I’m not getting the other things done. 

I have a list of subjects for the crochet magazine.  I’m hoping to get a few projects done so I can submit them.  I have a couple of ideas I need to get done for the event in November.  My to do list grows and grows.  I need to take a breath and either write it all down (which will probably put me in shock) or I need to let it go and get busy. 

This week I’ve been reading.  I started a few series and have read a few books into them.  I’m not reading a dragon series by Julia Mills.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  There’s a story line which carries on throughout the books.  I’m hoping the format isn’t too formulaic.  The first one was good enough I wanted to read the second.  I’ll see  how the second goes.  One thing I don’t like is there’s a lot of internal dialog – which I’m okay with in general but this seems like a lot.  These are supposed to be erotica books – that means getting the two main characters together and getting things going.  I skim a lot.  I’ll see how I feel after the second one.

 I need to crack down and get stuff done.  I think if I can get things done, I’ll feel better.  So I either shove a movie in and crochet or I work on writing tasks.  And I stop whining. 

Crossing Off

Last night I wrote until 2 am.  You would think I would be able to sleep in.  Nope, eyes popped open early and while I attempted to sleep some more, I only dozed.  I was still up by 7:30.  I was determined to get things done today.

I tackled my desk.  I organized paperwork by filing a bunch and stacking in a pile more.  This pile I have to figure out a solution for.  I’m handling all of my mother’s paperwork so I need to figure out where I’ll keep it.  I have it in my top drawer in the file cabinet next to me but the drawer is full.  It’s difficult to put more in there.  I’m going to have to figure out where to go with it so it remains convenient.

I paid her bills, ordered items she needs, and sent a text to my sisters to ask them to check her stock when they visit.  I’ve been a bad (ish?) daughter as I haven’t visited her.  It started six weeks ago with laryngitis, shifted to a kidney stone (not contagious but I was in too much pain), flu and now upper respiratory crud.  I’m toxic and am not visiting my mother.

I worked on my bills, sales info and facebook for writing discussions on this new group I’m on.  I wrote two book reviews and sent them to the person who requested them.  I wrote a blog posting for Witches & Pagans.  I updated my sales spreadsheet.

My daughter made lunch so I had lunch with Ken and Vicki.  It was nice to put my feet up and kick back for an hour though my eyes thought they should close and my brain thought it should sleep.  I made it stay awake.  I put the dirty clothes down the laundry chute so Vicki can do laundry.

Then I tackled posting eight crochet patterns on Ravelry.  I’m writing this blog and then I get to go back to the story I was working on last night until 2 am.  I’m hoping the flow continues as it was working nicely.

My list got handled!  I got a lot done and as I read this I think I deserve a nap… nap or writing… hmmm I’ll have to see if the writing goes well.

Now I still have a long list of crocheting, writing, editing, and other things to get done.  I’m trying to savor the moment.  I got to throw out two post its!

Tomorrow will be prep for breakfast and lunches and then back to my list – I hope.  I’m going to try to take it easy tomorrow and see what mischief I get up to.


Seven crochet patterns have been published!  I’m thrilled to have finally had time to get them out.  These have been on my todo list for quite some time.

I was off work yesterday and was going to do it then but I’ve got upper respiratory crud on top of my gout flaring.  I slept most of the day – not even crocheting until evening.

Last night I was trying to sleep and couldn’t breath.  I tried different levels of reclining but realized none of them were going to work.  I also tried having a cloth with eucalyptus, lavender, and rosemary on it to inhale but I couldn’t get any air through my nose.  Eventually I got up and took a hot shower with the essential oils.  It helped a lot until I sat down to sleep again.  It was after 2 am before I got to sleep though.

Sadly, Ken has the same crud so we are both struggling to accomplish anything other than breathing, coughing, and surviving.

I’ve been working on an afghan for my youngest daughter.  I’ve got it about half done but I need to have Ken hold it up so I can see it.  I think the graph caused a flaw and I need someone to hold it while I look to see if I have to rip out some rows and adjust so it looks right.  It is a corner to corner graphgan.

For those who don’t speak crochet, this means I’m working from one corner to the opposite – diagonally across the piece.  It also means I’ve taken a picture and made it into a graph.  This happens to be the Packer’s G symbol.  The issue is the G is surrounded by a circle which is difficult to do on an afghan.  When I looked at it last night, I thought the circle part wasn’t quite right but I double checked my row against my graph and they match.

The next step is to decide if I need to adjust the graph / pattern based on how it looks.  I might but I need to see it held out and a little away from me.  I can’t really do that – so Ken will hold it up for me.

The rest of today will be spent napping and crocheting until the daughter gets home.  Once she’s home, we will see what happens.  It depends on what she needs / wants.  Unfortunately, she has the same crud we have.

For the crochet patterns I published today go to my web site to find links.  The Amazon links aren’t up yet but should be by Monday or Tuesday.  My todo list is still quite long but at least I made progress.  

Plan Shot To Hell

If you’ve read anything in my blog, you know I’m a list maker.  I make to do lists all the time and work off them to keep myself on track.  All week I’ve had a list I’m working off.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one who schedules every second.  But I wrote up a general list of things I wanted to get done while I was on vacation.

Today is payday so I had a plan for my day.  Yes an actual plan starting with getting up early and getting things done.  That didn’t happen.  It actually got off track yesterday when I got a migraine.  I couldn’t sleep because of the migraine, so I ended up being up till 2 am.  Not a problem – I’m on vacation.

This morning, I talked to one of my daughters early (6:30 – 7:00 ish).  While I was talking to her I could feel the migraine coming back.  I did what any reasonable person would do, I went back to sleep.  However, this blew my timeframe out of the water.  I wanted bills done early so I could work on publishing.

Here I am at noon and I’ve still not showered (good thing no one is here) or done any of my other morning routines.  I do have bills paid, have dealt with all my personal emails, and have handled a call for assistance from my mom.

While my plan for the day is shot to hell, I’m still going to get stuff done.  Showering is high on my priority, then I’ll see what other mischief I get up to.  I have lots of publishing stuff to do but I may try to tackle it tomorrow.  I’ll see how my mood goes once I’ve showered.  I’ve got other things on my to do list to tackle like couponing, sorting through some clothes, and organizing some stuff.

Coupons, Rebates, Errands, and a Dozen Other Things

Last night after a rough week for me, I started thinking about all the things I need to get done.  I’ve had two requests for possibly paid writing assignments, as well as a number of errands to run today.  My brain was going a mile a minute so I did what I always do.  I made a list.  I also set my alarm.

I hate setting my alarm on the weekend because I hate mornings.  Mornings shouldn’t start until noon but that isn’t how the world works.

This morning I woke up at 3:30 in pain (no news there).  It was too early to take my daily meds.  I tried to go back to sleep and only managed to doze.  When my alarm went off, I took my meds and refused to get up.  My brain simply wouldn’t function enough to be upright.

However, I was up, showered, and dressed by 8:15 at which time I hit the computer.  I paid bills yesterday but I had a bunch of other things to do.  I’ve gotten six things of my long long list done this morning.  Actually as I look at my desk, I’ve gotten more because I’ve also started a grocery list.

I need new cartridges for my printer so I ordered stuff online to pick up in the store.  I have to give them an hour.  In that hour, I’m hoping to check off a couple of other things from my to do list.

One of the writing assignments is an editor wants to see one of my crochet patterns in different pictures.  Unfortunately, I’ve given away the item so I can’t just snap new pics for her.  I have to make a new one.  I’ve already had two people offer to take the item when I’m done with it so that’s good.  I need to figure out colors – need two.  I’ll look at the pattern and see what yarn I used before and then I’ll hit my stash.  If I remember correctly, the pattern only took a couple of nights so I’m hoping I can finish it quickly in order to take the requested pictures.

For the other writing assignment, I have to get a rough draft done and off to the editor in a week.  I made a start but when I wrote it I sort of hated it.  I’ve done this before.  I’m often too critical of my own work.  I’ll reread what I have and see if it’s usable and if not, I’ll start over.  The other thing is to see what pictures I have to go with the article.  The editor gave me a deadline but not length requirements which makes it more difficult.

Shortly, Ken and I will run errands and probably pick up lunch.  Then I’m hitting the recliner and writing – article or novel – unless Ken wants to spend time with me.  If he does, I’ll work on crocheting.  It’s going to be a busy day and busy weekend but hopefully I can clear up my to do list and make a fresh start for next week.

Checked off the list

Yesterday, I worked on taxes for my daughter and for us.  I had a business meeting.  My late afternoon appointment didn’t show up.  In the meanwhile I got three of my crochet patterns posted on Ravelry, started a new pattern, which I’m pleased with the result, and spent time with Ken.  I posted a contest on my Facebook page for my readers and friends to enter a drawing to win one of my books.  If you want to know more go to my site: 

This morning I woke up at 5 am with a migraine.  I went back to sleep in the hopes of it going away but it didn’t.  So now on top of the migraine, I feel like I’m behind schedule.  I have crochet patterns to deal with.  I have to do a bit of research to figure out whether I should post the Half Dozen Headbands and Warm Winter Set as a set on Ravelry or if I should do each pattern individually.  It means research.

In addition to what I’ve gotten done, I need to go through the stacks of coupons I have so I’m prepped and ready for the shopping trip next weekend.  I’ve already gone through the apps to look for deals.

I was hoping to get more done today but my head is killing me so I will take it easy today I think.  It is Ken’s birthday today.  He gets to pick what we do.  We’ve finally caught up on Scorpion but we are behind now on a number of other shows.  It’s up to him.

I’ve checked off some of the things on my weekend to do list.  I think the rest of the weekend will have to be about Ken and getting rid of a migraine.

Cram It All In

The weekend is here and it is supposed to be about rest and relaxation, right?  Not this weekend.  I’m up early and helped one daughter with her taxes.  Next I have a business call in a little over an hour.  In between, I’m hoping to upload some of my patterns I just published to Ravelry and get a few other things done.

I’ve got this business meeting call and then I have a bunch of other things I want to get done.  I want to finish off typing up the patterns (four of them) which I want to publish.  I have to put all of them on Ravelry.  I should get the edits for Wayfarer 10 entered on the computer and work on the cover.  Some of my test readers liked and some didn’t.  I should work on prepping stuff for doing my own taxes.

I have so much bouncing around in my head right now it is crazy.  I need to take a breath, make a list, and prioritize.  Because in addition to all these things, I also need down time.  This last week was stressful for work and next week will be as well.  I just need to take a breath and do what I’m able.  The rest will get done in time.

I’m back to several crochet projects I want to try in my head on top of all the other things going on.  I need to figure out what I can get done and just let the rest go.  In my head right now, I’m laughing at myself because this is definitely not something I’m good at.  In my head, I’m hearing – publish 4 more crochet patterns, work on poncho and fleece / crochet mitten pattern, marketing, organize tax stuff, edits and cover for 10, write 11, write Defenders 3 – get moving and get stuff done!!

The other part of me is saying one at a time.  I can only do one of these at a time and I need to make sure I get enough rest and calm so I am ready for work next week.  I need to have that balance or I throw my health into a bad place.  So I’ll cram in what I can but try to remember to breathe and keep moving forward one thing at a time – hopefully.